Hundred Gratitdues Today

I am grateful:

1. Some relief for a part of yesterday evening.
2. MA
3. My CoDA work this morning.
4. The shopping list I made yesteday.
5. That I’m off tomorrow, and can cook for next week.
6. I’ll have the dog this weekend.
7. Healthy foods yesterday.
8. Out to lunch with two colleagues the day before.
9. The very healthy place that’s just moved in right near where we work.
10. That I read more of the book yesterday, My Stroke of Insight. It’s good.
11. That I’m getting ready to do the report cards.
12. Being good at my job.
13. Having become, finally, a great writing teacher.
14. The support we’ve had in that.
15. Having enough energy.
16. Not freezing.
17. The phrase, “good enough.”
18. M.
19. Today’s For Today: “Whatever games are played with us, we must play no games with ourselves, but deal in our privacy with the last honesty and truth.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
20. “I cannot play games with myself where my disease is concerned and expect to be sane and spiritually fit.
21. “I won’t be arrested for driving under the influence of compulsive overeating, but I can be just a irrational in my thinking, just as estranged from my values as a drunken driver.
22. “I played that game before I knew a better way to live.
23. “Once I took the first step – admitted food had me beaten – I found I could look for other honest answers without fear.
24. “For today: My abstinence and my sanity depend, above all, on being honest with myself.”
25. Today’s voices of Recovery: “we now needed a more reliable way of relating to a Higher Power. At this point we learned we could ‘act as if.’” OA 12 & 12 p. 14
26. “Coming into OA as an agnostic, I found that ‘acting as if’ opened the door for me. Because my sense of separation from God and others was so persistent, I couldn’t use the group as my Higher Power. I was told that experience is the best way to develop a relationship with a Higher Power.
27. My sponsor told me to pray for help whenever I wanted to eat over something, whenever I struggled to sit with feelings or tried to work the Steps.
28. “I set out to follow my sponsor’s instructions with defiance, deciding to ‘act as if’ just to prove it didn’t work. To my amazement, it did!
29. “Over time, I have realized that it is not my job to fully define and understand this power greater than myself.
30. “I only need to do my part – to keep an open mind spiritually, to earnestly pray for help and guidance when I nee it, and to pray with gratitude for what I have received.”
31. Today’s In This Moment: “In This Moment, I have enthusiasm.
32. “Enthusiasm is that certain something that makes me feel. Special.
33. “My face lights up.
34. “I laugh and sing out loud;
35. “soon others join in.
36. “enthusiasm helps me feel confident.
37. “There’s a spring in my step,
38. “joy in my heart,
39. and a twinkle in my eye.
40. “I become optimistic
41. “and it shows.
42. “I make friends easily
43. “I am grateful to CoDA and my Higher Power for the ability to experience life fully.
44. I no longer think my happiness, fulfillment, okayness inside…can come from someone else.
45. Today’s Language of Letting Go: “Beliefs about Money. I was starting a new job for a corporation. I was good at what I did for a living. The personnel manager and I were down to the details of employment, and he asked me how much money I believed I deserved. I thought about it and came up with a figure of $400 a month. This was back in the sixties. I didn’t want to ask for too much, so I decided to ask for the smallest amount I could live with. He hired me and gave me what I asked for. Later on, when I left that job, the personnel manager told me he had been willing to pay me whatever I wanted. Had I asked for $600 or even $700 a month, which was a tremendous salary at that time, I would have gotten it. I had limited myself by what I believed I deserved.” Anonymous
46. I realize I need to stop doing this.
47. In all ways, not just money.
48. It goes on to say: “Many of us grew up with deprived thinking concerning money: There’s not enough. There will never be enough. If we get a little, we may guard it and hoard it because there’s no more.”
49. And: “We can change our beliefs through affirmations, by setting goals, by starting where we are, and working slowly forward to where we want to be.”
“Today, I will examine my beliefs about money. I will begin the process of letting go of any self-defeating beliefs that may be limiting or blocking the financial part of my life.”
50. And about other things too.
51. My Stroke of Insight, p. 10: “It is perhaps of interest that our human genetic code is constructed by the exact same four nucleo-tides (complex molecules) as every other form of life on the planet. At the level of our DNA, we are related to the birds, reptiles, amphibians, other mammals, and even the plant life. From a purely biological perspective, we human beings are our own species-specific mutation of earth’s genetic possibility.” I think this is huge.
52. “…we do not represent a finished and/or perfect genetic code. The human brain exists in an ongoing state of change. Even the brains of our ancestors of two thousand or four thousand years ago do not look identical to the brains of many today. The development of language, for example, has altered our brains’ anatomical structure and cellular networks.” Good. There is always hope.
53. “Most of the different types of cells in our body die and are replaced every few weeks or months.” Such potential!
54. P. 16 “As our higher cortical cells mature and become integrated in complex networks with other neurons, we gain the ability to take ‘new pictures’ of the present moment. When we compare the new information of our thinking mind with the automatic reactivity of our limbic mind, we can reevaluate the current situation and purposely choose a more mature response.” Wow.
55. P. 16 -17 “It might be of interest to note that all of today’s ‘brain-based learning’ techniques used in elementary through high school capitlize on what neuroscientists understand about the functions of the limbic system. With these learning techniques, we try to transform our classrooms into environments that feel safe and familiar. The objective is to create an environment where the brain’s fear/rage response (amygdala) is not triggered. The primary job of the amygdala is to scan all incoming stimulation in this immediate moment and determine the level of safety. One of the jobs of the cingulated gyrus of the limbic system is to focus the brain’s attention.” And in a home too. I wish I’d known sooner. But I’m grateful to know now.
56. P 42 “wow, what a strange and amazing thing I am. What a bizarre living being I am. Life! I am life! I am a sea of water bound inside this membranous pouch. Here, in this form, I am a conscious mind and this boy is the vehicle through which I am ALIVE! I am trillions of cells sharing a common mind. I am here, now, thriving as life. Wow! What an unfathomable concept! I am cellular life, no ---I am molecular life with manual dexterity and a cognitive mind!”
57. And “In this altered state of being, my mind was no longer preoccupied with the billions of details that my brain routinely used to define and conduct my life in the external world. Those little voices, that brain chatter that customarily kept me abreast of myself in relation to the world outside of me, where delightfully silent. And in their absence, my memories of the past and my dreams of the future evaporated. I was alone. In the moment, I was alone with nothing but the rhythmic pulse of my beating heart.”
58. P. 44 “I kept thinking, wow, how many scientists have the opportunity to study their own brain function and mental deterioration from the inside out?” And this, I think, is the very attitude that contributes so much to her fantastic healing after the stroke.
59. P. 45 “…delighted in the euphoria of my irrationality.
60. And “…wisdom of my dementia
61. And “…I understood that my body was, by the magnificence of its biological design, a precious and fragile gift.” I have begun to understand that too.
62. P. 46 “…[it was clear to] me that this body functioned like a portal through which the energy of who I am can be beamed into a three-dimensional external space.” !
63. P. 50: “Focused completely in the present moment, my pulsing brain felt like it was gripped in a vice. And here, deep within the absence of earthly temporality, the boundaries of my earthly body dissolved and I melted into the universe.”
64. P. 50 – 51: “…and my perception was free to shift such that my consciousness could embody the tranquility of my right mind. Swathed in an enfolding sense of liberation and transformation, the essence of my consciousness sifted into a state that felt amazingly similar to my experience in Thetaville. [between sleep and awakened] I’m no authority, but I think the Buddhists would say I entered the mode of existence they call Nirvana.”
“In the absence of my left hemisphere’s analytical judgment, I was completely entranced y the feelings of tranquility, safety, blessedness, euphoria, and omniscience.
65. And “A piece of me yearned to be released completely from the captivity of this physical form, which throbbed with pain. But providentially, in spite of the attraction of this unremitting temptation, something inside of me remained committed to the task of orchestrating my rescue, and it persevered to ultimately save my life.” And may I have that latter part too.
66. I am grateful that I can type again. May it stay.
67. And that I do my exercises (hand) every day.
68. And that it is longer than last time since my shot and my hand is still okay
69. That I had a dream about having my good figure back.
70. That my breath is going all the way in. For so many years it didn’t’. Or at the VERY least, I wasn’t aware of it. It is clearer now.
71. That I have good food and water for today.
72. That I am not all alone. Here in url or in cyberspace
73. That I managed to make the obnoxious poster situation work better yesterday.
74. That I gave the two classes the amazing meditation yesterday morning.
75. And the beautiful song.
76. The SMARTBoard.
77. And that I can use it now.
78. That I slept last night.
79. That my dr. didn’t come yesterday. I think I needed the break.
80. That I am on a plan for my financial future.
81. People who are working to save the planet for us all and our descendents.
82. Good universities.
83. That I am educated.
84. And continue to be.
85. Hope
86. God
87. Regular poop. Really.
88. Health.
89. That I am able to speak. I remember when I couldn’t, for the better part of 8 months.
90. Reiki
91. I will walk and/or gym this weekend.
92. And have a dinner with B.
93. My medications.
94. Fresh clean water. What a gift.
95. The little electric heater that is helping me now.
96. My better attitude. Which I used to have too.
97. Hope for me and J even.
98. Life. That I am alive. That I didn’t hurt myself.
99. Any time I am able to help someone.
100. People who care for non-human animals in need.
101. That I got to a hundred: )