Grats

I am grateful:

1. EJ’s comment. Even though I felt ridiculous, it did help me some.
2. Feel like shit, yes, but not quite as bad as yesterday, which was not quite as bad as the day before.
3. God.
4. Some things from the book, “My Stroke of Insight.” Including: P. 10 “It is perhaps of interest that our human genetic code is constructed by the exact same four nucleotides (complex molecules) as every other form of life on the planet. At the level of our DNA, we are related to the birds, reptiles, amphibians, other mammals, and even the plant life. From a purely biological perspective, we human beings are our own species-specific mutation of earth’s genetic possibility.” I hope this helps more people be humane to the non-human animals.
5. And “Most of he different types of cells in our body die and are replaced every few weeks or months.” (not neurons though). Such hope.
6. And P. 116 “…the knowledge that deep internal peace is accessible to anyone at any time.
7. And same page, like Thich Nhat Hahn. She begins, “My stroke of insight would be:” and then the part like TNH: “Peace is only a thought away, and all we have to do to access it is silence the voice of our dominating left mind.”
8. And “…in the case of vision, if you put a patch over one eye, blocking visual stimulation coming into the cells of the visual cortex, then those cells will reach out to ward a new function. I needed the people around me to believe in the plasticity of my brain and its ability to grow, learn, and recover.” Maybe I’ll try this yet again.
9. And I think this is good life advice: p. 126: “I made my decisions based upon how things felt inside. There were certain emotions like anger, frustration, or fear that felt uncomfortable when they surged through my body. So I told my brain that I didn’t like that felling and didn’t want to hook into those neural loops. I learned that I could use my left mind, through language, to talk directly to my brain and tell it what I wanted and what I didn’t want.
10. …I had much more say about how I felt and for how long, and I was adamantly opposed to reactivating old painful emotional circuits.
11. Also 127: “Nothing external to me has the power to take away my peace of heart and mind. That was completely up to me. I may not be in total control of what happens to my life, but I certainly am in charge of how I choose to perceive my experience.”
12. P. 146: “My right hemisphere is all about right here, right now. It bounces around with unbridled enthusiasm and does not have a care in the world. It smiles a lot and is extremely friendly.” Like doggie : )
13. P. 147: “I feel safe in the world and walk the earth as though it is my backyard.” I like that sentence. Imagine that. Maybe I could have that someday. I will try to have it even soon.
14. I think this is good life advice: “I learned that I need to be very wary of my storyteller’s potential for stirring up drama and trauma.”
15. And, I loved this. P. 154: “There has been nothing more empowering than the realization that I don’t have to think thoughts that bring me pain.” …can consciously, but then: “I have the ability to choose a peaceful and loving mind (my right mind), whatever my physical or mental circumstances, by deciding to step to the right and bring my thoughts back to the present moment.”
16. P. 155: (about the driving ticket). “This little voice of negativity kept trying to raise its ugly head and bum me out.” …”Thanks to my stroke, I have learned that I can own my power and stop thinking about events that have occurred in the past by consciously realigning myself with the present.”
17. And later of the page, like that Plato quote, where she says, “For me, it’s really easy to be kind to others when I remember that none of us came into this world with a manual about how to get it all right.”
18. P. 156: “Feeling deep inner peace and sharing kindness is always a choice for either of us.”…”Seeing this moment as a perfect moment is always a choice.”
19. P. 158: “When I take responsibility for the circumstances of my life, I put myself in the driver’s seat and own my power. In an attempt to maintain my sanity (peaceful heart) in a world that often feels like it spins dangerously fast, I continue to work very hard to maintain a healthy relationship between what is going on in my right and left minds. I love knowing that I am simultaneously (depending on which hemisphere you ask) as big as the universe and yet merely a heap of star dust.”
20. And …”…the more aware I am about how I am influencing the energies around me, the more say I have in what comes my way.”
21. P. 159: “…Learning to listen to your brain from the position of a nonjudgmental witness may take some practice and patience, but once you master this awareness, you become free to step beyond the worrisome drama and trauma of your storyteller.”
22. P. 159 – 160: “When my brain runs loops that feel harshly judgmental, counterproductive, or out of control, I wait ninety seconds for the emotional/physiological response to dissipate and then…’I appreciate your ability to think thoughts and feed emotions, but I am really not interested in thinking these thoughts or feeling these emotions anymore. Please stop bringing this stuff up.”
23. P. 162: “…be willing to make the decision a thousand times a day.” And the 3 things: 1. I remember something I find fascinating that I would like to ponder more deeply 2. I think about something that brings me terrific joy, or 3. I think about something I would like to do. When I am desperate to change m mind, I use such tools.
24. P. 163: “…vial to our health that we pay very close attention to how much time we spend hooked into the circuitry of anger, or the depths of despair.”
25. More that’s like Mindfulness and THN on p. 164 too
26. P. 165: “I am so grateful that they [fifty trillion molecular geniuses making up my body] that they are alive and working together in perfect harmony that I implicitly trust them to bring me health.” “I unconditionally love my cells with an open heart and grateful mind. Spontaneously throughout the day, I acknowledge their existence and enthusiastically cheer them on. I am a wonderful living being capable of beaming my energy into m world, only because of them.” And 2 more TNH’s.
27. P. 168: “This stroke of insight has given me the priceless gift of knowing that deep inner peace is just a thought/feeling away. To experience peace does not mean that your life is always blissful. It means that you are capable of tapping into a blissful state of mind amidst the normal chaos of a hectic life.”
28. And “The feeling of peace is something that happens in the present moment. It’s not something that we bring with us from the past or project into the future. Step one to experiencing inner peace is the willingness to be present in the right here, right now.”
29. And 169: “Enlightenment is not a process of learning, it is a process of unlearning.”
30. And later: “My left mind thinks of me as a fragile individual capable of losing my life. My right mind realized that the essence of my being has eternal life.”
31. And then about the breathing.
32. And sort of like walking meditation, breathing mediation, eating meditation…
33. P. 172 about how different foods make her feel: I have the SAME things.
34. P. 177 made me think of positive visualization.
35. And on 178, about reiki and prayer. And science has proven the power of prayer – could be electronic – does not have to have to do with a God. Could be the electrical charges of so many people thinking about someone.
36. And 179 tai chi, walking in nature, singing, (piano)
37. P. 179: “in this moment I reclaim my JOY, or In this moment I am perfect, whole, and beautiful, or I am an innocent and peaceful child of the universe, I shift back into the consciousness of my right mind.
38. p. 180: I am always in quest of being open to what the universe will bring me.”
39. P. 181: “How I wish you could lose your emotional baggage, just like I did, and shift back into your natural state of joy!”
40. And “if it’s a choice, then why would anyone choose anything other than happiness? I can only speculate, but my guess is that many of us simply do not realize that we have a choice and therefore don’t exercise our ability to choose.”
41. P. 182: “No one told me that it only took ninety seconds for my biochemistry to capture, and then release me. What an enormous difference this awareness has made in how I live my life.”
42. And “It is just as easy for me to habitually run the happiness circuit as it is for me to run the anger circuit. In fact, from a biological prspectie, happiness is the natural state of being for my right mind. As such, this circuitry is constantly running and is always available for me to tap into.” …”anger circuit…As soon as the physiological response has passed out of my bloodstream, I can resume my joy.”
43. And “I, personally, feel allergic to how fear and/or anxiety feel in my body. When these emotions surge through me, I feel so uncomfortable that I want to crawl out of my skin. Because I don’t like the way these emotions feel physiologically, I’m not inclined to hook into that circuitry on a regular basis.”
44. And “…remember that all of my thoughts are merely fleeting physiology, I feel less moved when my storyteller goes haywire and my circuitry is triggered.”
45. “I take responsibility for what circuitry I purposely exercise and stimulate.”
46. “Since I like being joyful, I hang out with people who value my joy.”
47. “Please be very careful what circuits you stimulate when you visit someone who is not well. Death is a natural process we all must experience. Just realize that deep inside your right mind (deep within your heart’s consciousness) rests eternal peace. The easiest way I have found to humble myself back into a state of peaceful grace is through the act of gratitude. When I am simply grateful, life is simply great.” Even typing this sentence out gives me such hope!
48. And, it makes me think: It is all day and night – not just when writing the hundred in the morning.
49. She says on p. 185, “I have learned so much from this experience with stroke that I actually feel fortunate to have taken this journey…” Will I maybe feel that way someday about this current hardship? Oh, hope.
50. And “I must be willing to give up what I am in order to become what I will be.”
51. P. 186: “…capable of choosing who and how we want to be in the world. Fortunately, how we choose to be today is not predetermined by how we were yesterday.”
52. And “Although it is easier for me to nip a weed when it is just a sprouting bud, with determination and perseverance, even the gnarliest of vines, when deprived of fuel, will eventually lose its strength and fall to the side.”
53. P. 187: “…Gandhi…’We must be the change want to see in the world.’”
54. And “Your body is the life force power of some fifty trillion molecular geniuses. You and you alone choose moment by moment who and how you want to be in the world. I encourage you to pay attention to what is going on in your brain. Own your power and show up for your life. Beam bright!”
55. “And when your life force wanes, I hope you will give the gift of hope and donate your beautiful brain to Harvard.” Wow. Okay. And I hope others who read this will too. And me.
56. Today’s For Today: “People who are brought to the brink of destruction and then one day awake to find themselves restored to perfect health do not believe in coincidence. We are held breathless, awestricken by personal stories in which recovery – indeed, life itself – hinged on blind ‘chance,’ on a series of events so incredible they would be dismissed in other circumstance.”...So “For today: The powerful force that brought me to OA is ready to lead me to the promises of this program.”
57. That I’ve acknowledged my kinesthetic self. Even as a pre-schooler, I used to love doing those lace-up things, and the Little Red Spinning Wheel. And learning to knit. As a pres-schooler. And this typing in the mornings helps me. Yes, helps put my mind in better place due to content, but the physical helps too!
58. Today’s Voices of Recovery: “Through prayer and meditation we align ourselves with a higher spiritual power which gives us everything we need to live to our fullest potential.” OA 12 & 12 p. 98.
59. It says, “I rise in the forelight, before dawn, to align myself with the power behind the rising sun.
60. “Through a combination of prayer, meditation, reading, and writing, I put people, places, and things on the horizon.
61. “Then I sit quietly, absorbing the procession of colors from dark to dawn as the light feeds my soul and soothes my emotions.
62. “I marvel as the day offers greater fulfillment of potential in every area of my life.
63. “Simple prayers of ‘Thy will be done’ and ‘Thank you, God’ help me maintain my morning mood all day and night.
64. “such spiritual food I have only discovered through continuous abstinence from compulsive overeating.
65. “My greatest potential goes beyond my own life; it exists in service to others.”
66. And that last year I had put a question mark there, but now I get it!
67. Today’s In This Moment: “In This Moment, I play.
68. “…inner child…run, jump, and dance…give my inner child the unconditional love and validation it needs…open to spontaneity and allowing my creativity to flow through.
69. “I have fun while still being responsible for myself, not irresponsible and childish.
70. “I am curious and adventuresome. I am grateful for this chance to live freely.
71. “I am open to life.
72. “I am open to joy.”
73. Today’s Language of Letting Go: About a gerbil that escaped and was running through the house. For weeks. And they were lunging and couldn’t catch it. Then the grown-up gave up. “I’m all done. If that animal wants to live in the nooks and crannies of this house, I’m going to let it. I’m don worrying about it…”
74. Then became comfortable with own new reaction, and once didn’t chase/lunge. Gerbil stopped, looked at her, she started to lunge, and it ran.
75. “’Fine,’I said, ‘Do what you want.’ And I meant it. One hour later, the gerbil came and stood by me, and waited. I gently pickedit up and placed it in its cage, where it has lived happily ever since. The moral of the story? Don’t lunge at the gerbil. He’s already frightened, and chasing him jut scares him more and makes us crazy. Detachment works.” Hmmmmm.
76. People who make it home from wars, intact physically and emotionally.
77. Water
78. My legs
79. My car
80. My eyesight!
81. My hearing
82. My piano-ability
83. My voice
84. My breath
85. My stove
86. My new microwave that will come.
87. Dr. coming today
88. My oak tree leaves, golden, blowing right now. Pretty.
89. That MA pointed out the sky the evening before last. And I looked.
90. Hope.
91. People who read this.
92. That it might even help someone.
93. Meditating with the kids.
94. Centers today. Good.
95. That the next book we’re reading shouldn’t be a painful one.
96. Time
97. That Ja seemed so happy with our gift, even before she’d opened it all!
98. I go to M’s tomorrow after work.
99. And then maybe meeting.
100. My mother.