CoDA Morning Work Today

Thank you, God, for this day.

I woke up and I feel:

Lonely, hindered, sad, stuck, regretful, worried, unloved, ill, fearful, foolish, burdened, loving
AND
Humble, defeated, powerless
AND
Blessed, grateful, sacred, divine, supported

I think it is because:

The first ones because I hate where my life is. Lonely for J. and a family and holidays coming...I was not this person. What have I done to my life.
And because of being fat. Again, what have I done...
Humble defeated powerless because I raised the white flag at OA and I mean it
Grateful etc. because I can walk and talk and breathe on my own, I am free...I have hope.

I acted out co-dependently:
Not even selecting my own cough medicine, but just having the pharmacist send something. And paying money I shouldn't for eye drops rather than talking with the insurance company about an exception (so far)

I think I will do differently next time:
Eat things like kale *every* day.
Sleep enough *every* night, especially going into the work weak.