Grats

I am grateful:

1. This is the chance to find out who I am.
2. And to be it.
3. And then we can see who would *really * want me.
4. Worry is a monumental waste of energy and time.
5. Sponsor just reminded me of Alfred (E?) Newman? “What, me worry?”
6. That sponsor was able to speak to me today, even though I called an hour and a half late!
7. That I *enjoy * my morning coffee.
8. *This * can be the first day of the rest of my life. In fact, it *is. * Whether I want to believe/face that or not.
9. Sponsor’s sharing about surgeries and near-deaths and appreciation of life.
10. I have a lovely jigsaw puzzle.
11. I bought it for myself.
12. After I finish it, I might just put sections of it into baggies, and bring it to school for my class to get to do it and put it all together. And then we can glue it and hang it up!
13. The child who shared that idea with me; that her father would do that.
14. That my sponsor’s infection in shin, is practically done.
15. “The spirituality that people don’t talk about, but we talk about it in the rooms.” My sponsor this morning
16. That I now *want * to live.
17. P. 98 in the Big Book. That my sponsor’s been trying to get me to read for several days. And finally, we just did together.
18. And that it says, in the middle (4th edition): “It is not the matter of giving that is in question, but when and how to give.
19. “That often makes the difference between failure and success.
20. “The minute we put our work on a service plane, the alcoholic commences to rely upon our assistance rather than upon God. He clamors for this or that, claiming he cannot master alcohol until his material needs are cared for.
21. And the next word. “Nonsense.” A very important word here.
22. “Nonsense. Some of us have taken very hard knocks to learn this truth:
23. “Job or no job – wife or no wife – we simply do not stop drinking so long as we place dependence upon other people ahead of dependence on God
24. “Burn into the consciousness” Burn
25. “Burn into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone.
26. “The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house.”
27. The “only” condition.
28. God, I now put my trust in you. And I will clean house. Step Eight. I will start tomorrow morning, 10 – 20 minutes a day, every day, just like I did with Step Four.
29. I WILL eat well today. I CAN and I will.
30. And I thank God that I have the tools too.
31. The food.
32. The money.
33. The stove.
34. The hands.
35. The pots.
36. The dishes.
37. May this be the first day of my LIFE OF THANKSGIVING.
38. Anything is possible. At least almost anything.
39. I’m going to try to crochet today.
40. The Law of Attraction IS really at work. I mean, all my life, I pretty much never really liked the Thanksgiving “obligations.” And here I am alone on this day. Of course I would MUCH MUCH MUCH rather be WITH. But after all, I got what I unconsciously and deeply wished for, due to my own shyness etc. Right? Hmmm.
41. My sponsor’s understanding of the Big Book, and constant study of it.
42. I’m going to ask if we can go back to studying it daily. So carefully. Word by word and sentence by sentence.
43. D’s peace.
44. Thich Nhat Hahn’s peace.
45. That I’ve gotten to be near both.
46. That this blog, these gratitudes, these shares from the books, might be helping somebody somewhere.
47. My mother just called back and she *does * have plans with her friend after all. Yay.
48. Later in the morning: I am grateful that I just had breakfast.
49. Roseanne sort of marathon today.
50. I’ve already practiced piano a little bit today, and can see/feel hear the little difference already.
51. My only job today, is to get through this one day. And to try to enjoy. As it is the first Thanksgiving in almost 30 years that I am without J., I will not burden myself. I will probably wait tomorrow to clean or straighten. It’s enough holding on. And not overeating. And that’s fine and good.
52. Today’s For Today: “The absurd man is he who never changes.” Auguste Barthelemy
53. J. just called.
54. I am grateful that he called
55. And wished me a happy Thanksgiving.
56. And asked me what I’m doing.
57. And he’s just hanging around.
58. And I’m grateful that I didn’t call him.
59. And that when he called, I didn’t invite him to do anything. He needs to be free. To feel free and to truly be free.
60. I want that for him. AND for me too.
61. That I just talked to MA too.
62. Okay. So For Today goes on to say: “The compulsive overeater in me never changes, but the recovering member of Overeaters Anonymous does.
63. And “I am aware that my thinking has changed in many ways.
64. “Where once I dieted for a specific length of time, only to break loose on holidays and other occasions, I am now thankfully abstinent every day.” I see that as a promise.
65. “It is an incomparable pleasure to use the power this program gives me to eat moderately even on days when excess is the norm.
66. “For today: I thank God and Overeaters Anonymous for my abstinence and for the new life it has given me.
67. “I wouldn’t trade it for any food on earth.”
68. Today’s Voices of Recovery: ”Think gratefully how fortunate you are to have a disease that can be arrested,
69. “one day at a time,
70. “simply by not taking that first compulsive bite.” From “Before you Take That First Compulsive Bite, Remember…”
71. “When the mental obsession and cravings hit, I have many thoughts and actions that help me avoid that first compulsive bite.
72. “I remember the tools and the guilt and remorse I feel after a slip or a binge.
73. “Why compound the uncomfortable feelings o food thoughts and cravings with remorse, guilt, and self-condemnation?
74. “Why not live through the food thoughts and relish the knowledge that this too shall pass if I’m willing to turn my attention to prayer, phone calls, OA service, literature, housework, or anything else until it’s time for my next abstinent meal?
75. “Often I tally the number of obsessive food thought I overcome during the day with my Higher Power’s help.
76. “It’s amazing how many times I’ve received the miracle of recovery in just one day!
77. “Try it; you’ll like it.
78. Okay. And I shall.
79. Today’s In This Moment: “In This Moment, I give thanks.”
80. “I heard the doctor say there was a spot on my Ct scan which needed follow-up with an MRI. I felt fear and anxiety. I imagined all the dark possibilities of what the test might reveal. I had survived cancer fourteen years ago. Recovery teachers me to stay in the moment, to focus on one day (or one minute) at a time.
81. “But I was obsessing, I concentrated on breathing and asked my Higher Power for guidance.
82. “It was all I could do.
83. “Twenty-four achingly long hours after the test, I heard my doctor’s voice on the phone. ‘Benign,’ he said. I wished the doctor a Happy Thanksgiving, hung up the phone, and dropped to the floor to thank God.”
84. I am also grateful that that person got the good news.
85. Maybe if I become truly independent, J. will want me again. Maybe that will work out. And maybe I won’t NEED it. That’s the point. And maybe I won’t even want it. Or maybe I will. Or maybe I’ll be happy alone. Or with someone else.
86. Today’s Language of Letting Go: “Surrender.”
87. “Surrender means saying, ‘Okay, God. I’ll do whatever You want.’
88. “Faith in the god of our recovery means we trust that, eventually, we’ll like doing that.
89. “Today, I will surrender to my Higher Power.
90. “I’ll trust that God’s plan for me will be good, even if it is different than I hoped for or expected.”
91. Relief. I a grateful for every moment of relief.
92. And hope.
93. And water.
94. And my 3 meals planned for today, including greens.
95. I am grateful that doggie will be with J. today. For her AND for him.
96. I am grateful for the woman who gave me the idea of 100 gratitudes a day, a few years ago.
97. And that I do it now.
98. I am grateful for having become open to so many different kinds of people: religions, sexual orientations, political beliefs, financial situations, families and those alone,…
99. I am grateful that I am *so * much less judgmental than I used to be. Even though I’ve had to go through hard times to get to it.
100. I am grateful for my free tech sessions once every 12 days.
101. A whole day to myself.
102. And I'm actually enjoying it.
103. And without overeating.

Thank you, God.