CoDA Work Today

Thank you, God, for the miracle of this day.

I woke up and I feel:

Shaky, encumbered, frightened, and tense.
AND
Humble and powerless
AND
Grateful, sacred, supported, blessed, divine, and whole.

May be the first time I've had more positives than negatives, as well as 2 good-for-me's.

I think it is because:
Shaky because adjusted to very painful situation.
Encumbered because of my own flaws and fears that hold me back some.
Frightened because I see what is happening to some others in old age, and the have kids to help them and I don't. (But sponsor says don't worry about 30 years from now. And I, secretly, know that I may be in another family by then. And I, not secretly, know that you never know who will be in your life in the future, or if you'll even be alive.)
Tense. I guess because of the whole situation. I feel that it is coming out at work. I have to fight myself to stay calm with the children. And I think one of the aides feels it. And the colleague who drives everyone crazy - I feel her crazies more now.

Humble because I see who I am and what I've made of my life and who am I to judge *anyone* else
Powerless because without the higher powers, I cannot do anything. Without God, friends, humans, nature - trees etc., work, programs, sponsors...

Grateful because I am so lucky. And doing the daily gratitudes does help me remember that. All my body systems, house stuff, water, job, car, so much in a day that I have. And some people don't. I am so grateful that I do. (And wish they could too).
Sacred because God made me. I am part of the creation of God.
Supported because of friends. Right now especially MA. And even dr.
Blessed as in bless-ed. Because I am a spiritual being in a body.
Divine because I am part of the universal creation of God.
Whole. Shaky one but I feel although I am not happy, I am a person. I am whole. I have feelings, needs, wants, gratitudes, ideas, strengths, weaknesses, hopes, fears, actions, etc. I am a person.
Wow for that.

I acted out co-dependently:
Just lying down so early, rather than going to MA's or a meeting or something. But I'm not *sure* that was co-dependent. Maybe I needed it. ?
Next time I'll do differently:
Meditate every day. For today.

Thank you God, for these changes and these insights and all the facts of this day.