CoDA Morning Work Today

I feel:

Wow. I had no frickin' idea how I felt. Used the magnets. I was like numbed to the million feelings that I could feel but couldn't identify.

Here is how I feel and why I think I'm feeling these ways:
Shaky, hurt, lifeless, inadequate, envious, depressed, awkward, ineffective, dissatisfied, nervous, impatient, terrible, blue, ashamed, insecure, disconnected, inept, frustrated, lonely, scared, broken, distressed, uneasy, uncertain, abandoned, broken, sorrowful, regretful, ill, jittery, encumbered, overwhelmed. Sorrowful, helpless, barraged, overwhelmed. Encumbered, alone, abandoned, upset, empty, limited. Unloved, overlooked, blocked, miserable, unhappy, pressured, isolated, forgiving, anxious, dejected, apprehensive, threatened, uncomfortable, discouraged, empty, inferior, vulnerable, lousy, angry, alone, ill, dismal, bewildered, rejected, absurd.
I think it is because: J's b'day, first Super Bowl alone - even tried to watch, but couldn't.
Ill - because of real body stuff right now.
Too much processed food last few days? And too few vegetables all week?
Barraged and overwhelmed - work requirements + depression = difficult. Plus everyone's against teachers. And they're threatening our pay, security, pensions, everything. On top of it all.

And
Powerless, humble, willing (food stuff)

And
Healthy, alive,
worthy - I must be because God made me -
thankful for so many blessings,
open - maybe all of this is worth something because it has opened me,
useful to the kids,
gifted may I use them,
whole - I don't like being this person, but it is - I am - a whole person,
needed at work and a bit by a couple of friends,
blessed to have so much still, sacred.

Next time I think I will do differently:

Not skip any of the spiritual work, no matter how busy/late.
Eat more veggies and fewer processed foods.
Do not spend the majority of two days alone in the house, even though feels like really want to and resting and good for me.
Pray more.
Go to the CoDA meeting.
And at least one OA meeting every single week.
Take the vitamins.

That's all I can think of.

5 good things about me.
Really?
Try.

1. I haven't given up yet.
2. I am sensitive to the feelings of the children.
3. I go in even when I feel like and could "get away with" staying home.
4. I take proper care of my eyes, as per opthomologist instructions.
5. I am apparently funny.

The end.