Grats

I am grateful:

1. (It is still Saturday) My thumb is still okay
2. And I’m still doing the thumb exercises.
3. ***I deserve to be accepted as I am!
4. Nothing is perfect. And that’s okay, Because counting that, actually everything is perfect. Ahhh.
5. I *do * have some routines.
6. Like my 2 hour and 15 minutes morning work.
7. And my evenings.
8. And which day every week or two I ‘let down” a little in terms of makeup etc.
9. And these are good routines and I’m glad I have them.
10. And cooking on weekends
11. And dinner-times too.
12. And of course work routines. Good.
13. I’m enjoying my own company right now.
14. Especially now that I don’t put myself down. *I AM NOT LIVING WITH ANYONE WHO CRITICIZES OR HARSHLY JUDGES ME. OR JUDGES ME AT ALL. Oh, what a gift!
15. And now it’s Sunday. I slept last night instead of going to M’s. Even though it was her birthday. But I had given her many gifts. And I really needed the sleep. No way I could drive on the parkways at night last night.
16. I will go to OA today.
17. And do some laundry.
18. And one casserole worth of cooking.
19. And one pasta dish with the tofu stuff.
20. And NOT the concert or other stuff.
21. Maybe CoDA. Maybe.
22. I will rest and sleep and take it easy on myself. Because my stress is very much higher than I’d expected, my physical state is very much lower than I’d expected, and I have to be good at work tomorrow and all week. So –I will rest and sleep and take it easy on myself.
23. And I will put myself first. I am so grateful for these thoughts. Hey, they’re a lot better than wanting to die.
24. I don’t want to die.
25. I do want to live.
26. I am a person and I feel it.
27. I look forward to some piano stuff.
28. And French!
29. And friends
30. And my crystal stemware for flavored sparkling water
31. And even exercise.
32. And my teaching.
33. Just had a deep breath.
34. I will adjust. It will take some more time. But I will adjust.
35. And I will build a life.
36. And it will be good.
37. And this moment is good already anyway.
38. I wrote a nice apology to M
39. I just sent a newsy chatty note to L
40. This talk which I’m dreading will be over soon. That’ll be good.
41. They like me at work.
42. I can read
43. I can write
44. I am sitting here, awake and alive
45. And open
46. Maybe life has some great things in store for me
47. That I’ve never taken drugs.
48. That I don’t drink (a few glasses of wine a year).
49. I am grateful that my heart beats
50. And that my lungs breathe
51. And that my brain functions
52. I am grateful that I can speak
53. And that I can walk
54. I am grateful for compassion from others toward others.
55. And from others toward me.
56. And from me toward others.
57. And even from me toward myself.
58. I am grateful for what I think is the wisdom of the phone therapist. One more call to go.
59. And for the devotion of my irl shrink.
60. I am so so grateful for the change in me the other day.
61. And that it is real. And still there. Although I am so stressed I can’t imagine showering or even bathing. But I shall.
62. And I’m grateful for that too.
63. M almost babysitting me on the phone to past time this very long morning.
64. I have done a load of dishes.
65. I now have one load of laundry in. Good.
66. The reading I did today. Especially this line: “I pray today and each day that my thoughts, words, and actions ay be Divinely led. I pray that I can move forward in confidence, knowing my steps are guided."
67. And this: "The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie - deliberate, contrived and dishonest - but the myth, persistent, persuasive and unrealistic." John F. Kennedy
68. And this: As I become willing to accept the truth that is revealed to me in this program, the myths I clung to so desperately lose credibility.
69. And this: I no longer need to be anesthetized; I can stand still and feel my feelings.
70. And this: I don't think something is wrong if I'm not happy every minute.
71. And this, can it possibly be true: For today: The more I accept the reality of what is, the more comfortable and serene my life becomes."
72. And this: For today: I have discarded the motto, 'Heavy does it.' I've tried laughing at myself and I like it."
73. And this: "The stress of attempting to trust myself when my disease was rampant was like trying to push a rope up a tree - impossible. I'm grateful that today I have a Higher Power i can trust to guide me in honesty and truth.
74. And this: "How good it is to be free of fear of yourself."
75. And this: When fear strikes my heart, I remember that fear and faith cannot dwell in the same place at the same time.
76. And this:
77. "Divinely Led
78. And: Send me the right thought, word, or action.
79. And: Show me what my next step should be.
80. And this:
81. Send me the right thought, word, or action. Show me what my next step should be. In times of doubt and indecision, please send Your inspiration and guidance."
82. And this: "The good news of surrendering ourselves and our life to a Power greater than ourselves is that we come into harmony with a Grand Plan, one greater than we can imagine.
83. And: We aren't a mistake.
84. And : And we don't have to control or repress ourselves or others for life to work out.
85. And: Even the strange, the unplanned, the painful, and those things we call errors can evolve into harmony. (But when? When?)
86. And: We will be guided into understanding what we need to do to take care of ourselves. We will being to trust our instincts, our feelings, our thoughts.
87. And this: We will know when to go, to stop, to wait.
88. And: We will learn a great truth: the plan will happen in spite of us, not because of us.
89. And: I pray today and each day that my thoughts, words, and actions ay be Divinely led.
90. And this: I pray that I can move forward in confidence, knowing my steps are guided."
91. Oh God, I am thankful for hope.
92. And for breath this day.
93. And for a possible future.
94. And for my eyesight.
95. And that I am not a slave.
96. Or a prisoner of war.
97. Or in a concentration camp.
98. And for food
99. And laundry detergent.
100. And water
101. And everyone who sees this.