Grats

I am grateful:

1. That I can be of help today to M, with sub plans etc. as she is out am and possibly part of pm
2. That I got to tell my dr. yesterday what he did for me last week.
3. And I teased him, because he’s been trying for YEARS to get me to “register” the input I get from others about who I am. So I told him how our session last week helped me so much, and read him my blog journal from last Friday, and said, “And I want you to REGISTER that!”
4. And I think he did.
5. That I did re-read that entry.
6. I’m so glad I wrote it.
7. Even with all this horrible money stuff, I feel the relief again/still.
8. I’m okay.
9. I’ll be okay.
10. And I’m going to England!
11. And school is paying a bunch of it!
12. And I’ll be with Thich Nhat Hahn and his monks and nuns!
13. And then I’ll do a little sightseeing.
14. And M’s gonna lend me a suitcase and a carry-on.
15. And it’ll be great!
16. And although I’m a little nervous, I’m not scared!!!!! Me! I’m not scared! I’m mostly excited and happy and free and thrilled.
17. And that I AM going in today. I really felt like I can’t. But I am.
18. And I have a GREAT day planned for them!
19. And of course, M helped with that: )
20. That I am alive.
21. That there is more fun to be had.
22. ***That I don’t need J to have it!
23. That you never know what’s coming and could be great.
24. That I’m taking better care of my health. For now and for later.
25. That M does seem to know that I care about all of them, her, her girls, her parents…
26. That I’ll have time with MA soon.
27. And museum with L next week.
28. And somehow I *will * get the report cards done.
29. No meeting at lunch today. Yay!
30. Slept some last night.
31. Expect to more tonight.
32. God
33. Buddha
34. Thich Nhat Hahn
35. Water
36. G for introducing me to TNH
37. That J did finally take with him that calligraphy I had TNH MAKE FOR HIM! It’s a big deal, and I was sad when he didn’t take it.
38. And that by not taking it, he was trying to be nice to me.
39. That I *think * we’ll be able to work something out financially that doesn’t screw EITHER of us.
40. The song I’m gonna start with both classes and how we’re gonna do it!
41. The amazing video we took of them doing the fairy tale rap. They were adorable.
42. I’m SO GLAD it’s done. Because I was starting to make it bigger in my head and it was starting to loom.
43. I’m glad it happened almost spontaneously so I didn’t stress any more.
44. I’m glad M can trust me
45. I’m glad the district photographer came and snapped photos while we did it.
46. AND – she said she’d felt sick – headachy, tired – and didn’t want to do this. But that within like 2 minutes, my energy brought her up and she was happy and enjoying. She said that. Really. Wow.
47. And M said, “She’s like a little Buddha.”
48. My hands
49. J and I having made a great agreement about doggie
50. And that it’s in HER best interest!
51. And frankly, I’m grateful that it’s good for him too
52. And, frankly again, that it’s better for me too
53. That I’m so much more accepting now
54. And I MAY just get TWO birds. I can care for them, I think. Plus they’d have each other. I don’t know. It could be very very difficult to find two rescue birds. I do NOT want to BUY from a STORE. I’m NOT criticizing anyone who does!
55. That surrender seems to be coming to me.
56. I’ve turned a major corner last week. And am SO grateful for it.
57. For everyone here who reads.
58. For everyone here who supports me, even if just in thought.
59. For the people who Comment!!!!!
60. That maybe I’m helping others!!!!!!! Oh, I hope so.
61. Hope!
62. Living in the moment. Every time I can!
63. Not just planning for the future, but living today. THIS is the day.
64. THN: “Life is only available in the present moment.
65. I have course registration, hotel registration, and plane flights reservations!
66. OA
67. CoDA
68. OA sponsor
69. CoDA sponsor
70. My “morning work”
71. Healthy food
72. Cards. (Although I think for environment’s sake, I might start doing without)
73. Sex. Every time I’ve enjoyed sex.
74. And – I believe I will again someday.
75. And – I don’t want it now, so that’s fine too.
76. I EXIST!
77. And I FEEL that!
78. People who help each other. Even in little ways.
79. Walks
80. Treadmill
81. Balance thing
82. Bands for weight training.
83. I don’t have to leave the house to exercise!
84. Or, I can take walks!
85. Or, go to the 10 dollar a month gym like a mile from my house. Such luxuries!
86. That I am ABLE to walk.
87. My hotel is a 10 minute walk from my course, in London
88. The Nanny reruns. They give me cheer.
89. The French movie both my colleague and my French teacher have recommended.
90. That I think I’ll get it, and watch it twice. Once with subtitles so I’ll get the story, and once without, so I’ll JUST hear the language.
91. That I’m TAKING French. The miracle of the fact that I’m TAKING French! I’ve always wanted to! I think French is to me what piano is to my piano teacher. The thing that brings me so much joy. When I feel great, it increases my joy, when I feel medium, it increases my joy. When I feel lousy, I FEEL LIKE turning to it. And when I do, it BRINGS me joy. Wow!
92. That I am able to TAKE piano lessons – only now and then, as I want.
93. And French lessons. Wow!
94. I don’t know what will happen financially because it looks pretty bleak, but I am doing these things now and enjoying!
95. That I made sure to book a place in England with a private bathroom. I’m so glad I did that.
96. That *I * did that. Not J. No one else. *I * did it!
97. I was SO tired yesterday. And even FELT LIKE coming home and isolating and binging. Cancelling therapy and everything! : ( But I didn’t! And I’m SO GLAD I didn’t!
98. EJ!
99. BIRDIE!
100. JJ!
101. Really!