Grats

I am grateful:

1. For all the months my mother’s had not knowing. J’s insisting we tell her now, and I’m grateful for the freedom from it I’ve bought her.
2. That tomorrow I can start the passport process!
3. Piano
4. French. French French French
5. M. is having a VERY hard time. I’m grateful that I’m there for her so much.
6. I’m also grateful that she loves me. She’s a very good friend, as am I.
7. And that we laugh together too.
8. I’m grateful vacation is starting. I admit with shame, that I’ve let myself get run down again. But I’ll have 9 days to heal.
9. And to have some fun!
10. And during that week I’ll have a French lesson.
11. And a therapy session.
12. And a – gulp – date.
13. And I’ll make my arrangements for 2 days of sightseeing in London. Maybe one will be that 11 hour tour of Bath and Stonehenge and Windsor.
14. And I’ll leave one day free to go to the Tate or something.
15. I’m grateful for life.
16. I’m even grateful for this life.
17. And very grateful that I feel that. It’s like – finally(!) – who knows and who cares, just go with it, be as smart as you can about your future, and enjoy this day.
18. I’m very very grateful that I have 2 greens already prepared in the fridge, and two orange veggie things. I bought them, I didn’t make them. But/and I am SO grateful that I can eat so well today.
19. Oranges. I’ve had a few this week. To me, they are little miracles.
20. Taking better care of my precious body now.
21. Finally realizing it is precious.
22. That I do this morning work.
23. The readings I am fortunate to have every morning.
24. My sponsor.
25. Ph yesterday. What a lovely woman. I’ve known her for years, but it was the first personal talk we’ve had. And she’d like us to go to dinner. I’d be happy to. I think we shall.
26. I’m intensely grateful, truly, that I just took time, like 20 minutes or something, and ate a veggie breakfast. Slowly, Feeding my body with love and care, a normal sized portion of a healthy food. So grateful for that.
27. Very uncomfortable talks with M last night and for a whole hour this morning. I don’t easily give from my spiritual time. But she was in true need. And I’m glad I did it. And I’m glad I then nurtured myself. It is time. It is time. (Maybe past time, but do NOT want to live in regret).
28. I feel calm. Very worried about mother layer added to the J heartbreak, very worried about money layer added to that. And yet I feel a calmness, thank God.
29. Reiki
30. Just had a deep breath.
31. Am going to take it very gentle on/with myself today. While giving to this kids, of course. But gentle on self.
32. The “blurb” I wrote the photographer yesterday, about our project
33. M approving it too (as she is involved)
34. And the photographer saying it’s great. I was stressed a bit about doing it, and I’m grateful that it’s done.
35. And that it’s good enough.
36. And for that concept: good enough.
37. And that I’ve taught it to M
38. And that she remembers it a lot too
39. I am so grateful for fun!
40. I believe I shall have some fun in London!
41. And – and – M just said her parents do not like ANYONE using their home in Florida. But they would like her and me to use it for a few days this summer!
42. And – they want to pay for MY flight!
43. So I CAN go!! Wow!
44. And that I will help her set up her rental place this summer too, like I’ll move stuff, or clean stuff, whatever she needs. I’m grateful that she has like 8 of us to help.
45. That I am breathing. Well. Despite all that is going on. Wow.
46. That somehow, I do think with all my hard work, my brain, maybe some tutoring…God WILL protect me financially. I will never redo my furniture or have an expensive or even new car… but I maybe won’t be homeless, or eating cat food. I’m not exaggerating. I am grateful that that might not happen to me.
47. I believe I shall have to tutor a bit (not any conflict-of-interest-type students, of course!).
48. But I’m grateful I’ll know how to.
49. With all my experience at the top of my profession, you’d think I’d have some confidence in my ability to do this. I don’t. At all. But M explained to me exactly how to do it in one subject, for example. I think I shall start asap.
50. Prayer
51. Spirituality.
52. That Ph said she’ll pray for me. I believe that is the greatest gift anyone can give me.
53. That I believe I’ll pray for her.
54. My hands. I feel like they keep me in touch with the most important things. Like prayer
55. Like Reiki
56. Like lotus (bow/offer lotus to others).
57. That we started a new and great song yesterday, me and the two classes.
58. That we meditated together.
59. That we watched a reading rainbow together.
60. And it had great lessons about living well together in it.
61. That I *am * helping children. Even with all I’ve been going through. (Please God, keep helping me to do so even better).
62. I can see MA after school maybe (she said). I do hope to.
63. Or, I can come home and rest. I need rest. My body is feeling depleted.
64. Vegetables.
65. Fruits
66. Juices
67. Nuts
68. Seeds
69. Whole grains
70. Water. Water water water
71. Those 1986 Mets games J and I watched together.
72. And listened to together on radio.
73. And went to together.
74. That he was always careful with money. I’d had even less if it hadn’t been for that.
75. That maybe, just maybe, he’ll accept my offer.
76. I shall start my better saving TODAY. I will be able to. I have done it before.
77. I will NOT screw J. I will be fair. I hope he accepts what I have to offer; it is a lot, but I can live with it. And it is less than the state thinks he’s entitled to.
78. I might have a top divorce lawyer who loves me for how I treated her kid, help for nothing or cheap – like one session. We’ll see.
79. My therapist.
80. My phone therapist.
81. Vitamins.
82. Pills when I need them.
83. That I don’t really drink (few wine glasses a year)
84. That I don’t abuse prescriptions – overuse or mix on my own or drink with….Thank you, God, for that.
85. Typing. It relaxes me.
86. Foxes
87. Free birds
88. Trees
89. Rabbits
90. And that second graders call them bunnies.
91. The great book I’m reading to the kids. And how they’re loving it.
92. Something great about D – she has great book recommendations.
93. And she has always shared them with me. I appreciate that.
94. I’m grateful that I CAN appreciate that
95. And she brought me hummus yesterday. That was nice of her.
96. EJ
97. JJ
98. Birdie.
99. Not being alone in cyber-space.
100. Showers
101. Socks
102. That I exist, on my own, as a person, a whole person. This is huge.