Grats

I am grateful:

1. Doggie slept against me in early am
2. I woke up
3. I thought of God right away
4. I am grateful that my eyes opened and I could see
5. I am grateful that I walked unaided to the bathroom. I remember when I couldn’t. And, my mom needs a walker now. I appreciate this day, when I can
6. I am grateful that I have my “date” today. (Even though I barely slept!)
7. That this is the first first-date I’ve ever had. Because it’s not about need.
8. That I gave doggie that great walk yesterday.
9. Warmth. It’s a little chilly here this morning; I’m wrapped in a blanket. And so I’m grateful for warmth.
10. That my accident wasn’t worse the other night.
11. That I’ll probably be safe today, even with the bad weather for my commute: (
12. That he’s probably not a serial killer and I’ll probably be safe with/from him too…
13. I’m grateful for my daily readings
14. And that I’m able to afford treats for doggie
15. And that J and I are getting along so well about her! Phew
16. And that he’ll have her while I’m in England
17. It’s so good. I get to be with her. I enjoy her. She enjoys me. But more days than not, I’m not with her, and when so depleted from work, don’t have to take care of her. I wish I could do this all my life with “pets!”
18. French lesson yesterday
19. Healthy whole wheat vegan pizza. Must learn how to make it (haven’t had since J made)
20. Words. I love to listen to them, say them, read them, and write them.
21. I even had a dream about them last night.
22. And about a painting I’d like to make!
23. And I think I SHALL make it! Wow.
24. My voice
25. My throat
26. That I’ve come to appreciate my body
27. That I wrote to other guys last night. Expanding my world a little. Do NOT want sex or a “relationship.” For real! But a lunch, or a movie…Plus both therapists think I should
28. “Security” that DOES work where/when it does work.
29. That my innocent little students think so many things are “bad words.” Like “stupid,” or “heck.”
30. And that means their parents are keeping them young in some ways, at least. Appropriately.
31. Tv. Sorry but true
32. My coffee this morning.
33. Waggedy tail on doggie
34. When her whole body seems to waggle – she looks like a goldfish
35. And right now, she is rolling all around on the hardwood (polished not splintery) floor. SO cute! Thank God for her and all of them.
36. That although I’m still sensitive, there’s a piece of me that doesn’t have to overdo it anymore.
37. My OA sponsor
38. Artichokes
39. Being so much less afraid than I used to be
40. Doing for myself some now. Like fun and good-for-me stuff. Not just work-and-have-to-d-stuff
41. That I’ll get to watch some of the Oscar red carpet Sunday. I enjoy that.
42. My new pocketbook
43. My new wallet
44. My coins for the bus. That I DID get to the bank for them.
45. My new French picture books.
46. Teacher showed me – Thich Nhat Hahn online speaking French! (With little translator)
47. And she, my teacher, translating the meditation words for me! It’s so beautiful.
48. The internet.
49. Jokes
50. Riddles
51. Peaceful nations.
52. Peaceful individual.
53. My online prayer community.
54. NICE men
55. NICE women
56. People who just are nice to each other.
57. And wish others to be.
58. And teach children to be.
59. Antibiotics when needed.
60. Free association.
61. Non-sequitors. Yup.
62. My French teacher and I were able to have like a sentence back and forth, like twice.
63. We’ve started some grammar.
64. She finds my pronunciation very good.
65. And she’s very impressed with how well I do with numbers.
66. I love saying those French words/sentences. It just feels so good to me.
67. Already spoke with M this morning.
68. Keeping the house pretty neat
69. Nice neighbors
70. Backyard.
71. Teeny little broken concrete slab – deck? Terrace? I don’t even know what to call it. But I can put a little table and plants on it come summer or late spring! : )
72. I do think it is possible that J and I can be fair and decent to each other regarding money.
73. M is sick: ( BUT she is not emotionally upset this week because so much time with her girls
74. Even when I can’t do everything I feel I need to, I manage to do the minimum.
75. So the report cards WILL get in on time. (Don’t know how. But then, they always have).
76. And the house WILL stay neat
77. Nice hand soaps
78. Softening cream
79. I happen to know that I’m getting a massage coupon for my birthday from 2 friends! Yay.
80. Tomorrow I’ll take my mother to the bank and shopping.
81. I called her yesterday and told her the nice things the teller said about her yesterday.
82. And that helped her feel good.
83. Her dear friend, M.
84. Sunday I have lunch with 3 friends. Four of us. It should be good (not the food – don’t care – me?! – but the time together).
85. Talk with sponsor – “I am not a freak.” Every addict (and I’m a food addict) thinks this.
86. Wow. Sponsor was just telling me about laundry day today. And not loving but it’s fine. And how “if someone came over and knocked on my door right now and said, ‘I’ll do it for you,’ I’d say no. Because it’s something I have to do for myself. It’s important that I do these things for myself.”
87. I learn so much from sponsor.
88. Like again today. That there will be some ecstatic times. And there will be some down times. But mostly okay. Just plain old okay. And that’s good.
89. That I’m not cancelling today. Even though I do have fears about the ride in this weather. But am able to say to myself, “That’s from an old tape. Let it go if you can, Honey.”
90. Yes, that I can say it gently to myself too.
91. That I am DOING my morning work today. I’m nervous, stomach and all. But DOING.
92. Even though they look tiny today because I didn’t sleep much at all : (, that I do have expressive eyes.
93. The French word, “lorsque.” I can’t remember what it means. But I love the sound of it.
94. And my favorite word in all the world: “etre.” I just love that sound!
95. Deep breath just came. Not all the way to navel. But pretty deep. First one so far today. Good.
96. L will get there before I do.
97. I don’t have a decent coat. Am wearing an old woods-coat J left here! But – I won’t wear that today. Will wear cuter but not nearly as warm coat. And will layer.
98. The movie, “The King’s Speech.”
99. And now, a deeper breath. Thank you, God.
100. People who pray for each other.
101. People who pray for me. SO grateful for that. For them. For them doing that.