Grats

I am grateful:

1. I just had a really good piano practice session for 40 minutes (it’s still Tuesday)
2. I am SO grateful to be putting myself first today. Of course, when M thought she’d need me to take her to the doctor, I was going to! But I’m so glad she doesn’t!
3. I am giving myself a day, they type of which has ALWAYS been so good for me. I am making food list, exercising a little, dishes, cooking, straightening, bath, maybe even a massage! - and in all being gentle with myself.
4. The day BEFORE I start the report cards. Ding for ME FIRST. ! Wow.
5. And now it’s Wednesday. Dr. comes today. Yay.
6. I was ready and willing and able to help M yesterday.
7. But she didn’t need me after all, which freed me.
8. I really wanted to stay in all day. But I know that isn’t always good for me. I’m grateful for knowing that.
9. Plus O wanted to see me. I’m grateful for that. I haven’t seen her in two months.
10. So I went.
11. The “quick shopping trip and a little lunch” took almost 7 hours!
12. And all of it – all of it – was fun!
13. We were even able to laugh about the “situation.” Like, of course hen I order lunch, I’ll have to get it cut in half and send half to J. And then, if I bring half of my part home, do I have to send him half of that? (I’m still working on getting a more fair amount – jokes were just helping ease/release tension).
14. Maya Angelou yesterday. Saying the advice she would give to her eight-year-old self, among other things, was to find art you love. It might be Van Gogh. Or Beethoven. And enjoy it. And realize, “This was created by a human being. Just like you are a human being. You are no greater and no less.” Of course she said it more poetically. It was beautiful.
15. And – my piano teacher was just telling me that she is from Beethoven’s lineage. Musically, not genetically. And it’s only a few degrees of separation.
16. Which means I am too!
17. She’s going to send me the list, and one of the names I didn’t recognize and won’t remember how to spell.
18. I just had to stop typing. The feeling in my chest is so beautiful. A deep breath, but also a peace and an inner connection to humanity. Such a lovely feeling.
19. And now all my breaths are so sweet.
20. I could feel doggie against me last night. So nice.
21. I shall take her on a nice walk and/or to the park today.
22. Sitting here, early morning, with coffee.
23. The things I was going to do yesterday, I’m going to do today.
24. And it was worth it being with O.
25. I’m GOING TO get this need for music in the house but the wires were severed when the floors were done and J never fixed it situation taken care of! I need to get out of the den.
26. And I’m READY to get out of the den.
27. I have new makeup. Updated a bit.
28. And lots of free applicators from the woman at Sephora.
29. And a new perfume too. Such luxury!
30. And a new pocket book, as mine was literally scraped and falling apart.
31. And sexy stockings.
32. And artichoke and green beans in the fridge. I am very fortunate indeed.
33. Doggie still in bed, luxuriating. I love her so.
34. When I get a fantasy of how if I moved into a sweet little house somewhere, … and how I would live – well, I just realized yesterday (!) I can do that NOW. All of it!
35. This is the last vacation I’ll ever have when I have never been to England.
36. O sees a BIG change in me.
37. And she said to her mother, in Russian (skype), Lynn has a date. And her mother answered, even though I’m still fat, “Why not? Of course! She’s pretty, she’s smart, she’s funny, she’s well-spoken…She can get all the dates she wants!”
38. The fresh orange I ate yesterday.
39. Thich Nhat Hahn’s idea about seeing the cloud in your water.
40. And like, in the orange, you can see everything: the seed, the water that watered it, the cloud from which that water originally came, the farmer, etc.
41. And decades ago, having never heard this, I did a project with my class where we took anything – anything – and saw how many people we could trace it to.
42. Like a shirt: the store that sold it, the person who stocked it, the person who ordered it, the person who inspected it, the people who put it together, the people who invented the machinery/tools, and the electricity that runs them, and the people who opened the place that day, . . . the mother of the person who came up with that exact dye. . .
43. It was very eye-opening.
44. And fun.
45. And *I * thought of it.
46. I also did another one. With a class that came in hating science! This wasn’t the greatest school. They had only known “science” as 25 year old text book stuff. So I did this: name anything – anything(!) and I can tell you what it has to do with science, and what it has to do with YOU (the most interesting subject of all).
47. They could never stump me.
48. And then THEY each did a booklet. 25 things. What each has to do with science, and what each has to do with them. They did this over time.
49. And it changed them. They saw science as what it is (in my opinion): the study of you and everything around you. From yarn dye to outer space. From medicine to molecules. From … …
50. Stores that sell things at ridiculously low prices.
51. O helping me last summer, to re-find my femininity.
52. And yesterday, to refind it.
53. We’ll do more again in the summer.
54. And maybe at that time I won’t NEED it; I’ll just ENJOY it. (I did enjoy this, but I also needed it).
55. I shall look forward to practicing again today. I do look forward to it.
56. I shall try to play in that concert in May.
57. Teacher said all the adults are “freaking out.” And that I’m not the bottom. (She said it in a more complimentary fashion).
58. I got my French children’s books back to the library.
59. And only owed 2 dollars. I’m not used to remembering due dates; haven’t used card in so long. This time will put into schedule.
60. And I got a bunch more.
61. And books have more explanations. I’m excited.
62. I might – MIGHT – eat at the table tonight.
63. Or do SOMETHING “out there.” Out of the den. Read French books in l.r.? Paint a little in d. r.? Meditate a little in sunroom?
64. That I HAVE these choices
65. I will get to set up my wallet and pocket book today. Cool.
66. I will get my hair cut and colored tomorrow. Cool
67. I will finally get my medicines today. Cool.
68. And do some laundry.
69. Glad I didn’t wait at window for garbage collection yesterday, as it was a holiday Monday so yesterday’s get collected today lol!
70. And glad lots of neighbors had theirs out too. So this is NO big deal at all!
71. A great bowel movement. Look, I don’t find these things gross. I find them miracles of our bodies. Just like swallowing food, breathing air…And I glad my digestive system works.
72. It’s Ash Wednesday. I wonder if I want to get ashes. Maybe? Maybe not. Great to have the choice.
73. Two deep breaths just taken. Wow.
74. Being a good and compassionate and generous person. I can live with myself.
75. Art
76. Music
77. Museums
78. Concerts
79. Radio City Music Hall
80. Female vocalists.
81. I remember as a child, loving to see/hear Claudine Longet. Interestingly, French accent.
82. And always loving Nana Mouskouri.
83. And Jane Oliver
84. And the voice of Whitney Houston.
85. And the young woman opera singer I know personally. She will go far. She already has.
86. That my piano teacher was the only student accepted into the prestigious Moscow Conservatory the year she was 10 or so.
87. And had THE highest score at the Manhattan School of Music.
88. That I have made it to the top of my profession. Literally.
89. England coming!
90. French lessons!
91. Piano is back for me!
92. My humidifier. Must fill it today. It’s good for the piano, which is why we bought it – but it’s good for me too! (And doggie: )
93. Letters back and forth with L. I kind of wish we didn’t have to meet. I truly don’t think we’ll have great chemistry; I don’t like his strong opinionated personality; and I’m fat. But I love our letters. I kind of wish we could keep it just to that. But - I *am * looking forward to our little date Fri.
94. And I’m thrilled – thrilled –
95. They’re taking my garbage right now. I hear them. Yay.
96. Back to above –
97. I’m thrilled that I DON’T want a relationship right now. Thrilled.
98. And that I didn’t have to go look. Still have to kind of work on the not-looking. But at least not looking.
99. My time in the Girl Scouts
100. How far J went in the Boy Scouts. For his sake.
101. That I can still feel that way.
102. Hope.