Grats

I am grateful:

1. Got permission to miss two days of school for the course with Thich Nhat Hahn in London.
2. Got accepted and registered for the course.
3. Got a hotel for self, 10 minutes from the course.
4. Got round trip flights all done.
5. And paid for it all myself. With money I earned. (And school's gonna pay for some because it's about teaching and I'm sharing when I get back - but I've earned that too!)
6. Can and will borrow suitcase
7. Can and will take care of all passport business Saturday
8. Can and will work out the money somehow
9. Can and will figure out where/how/what to eat (vegan with “no” money in England) while there.
10. Have managed to give the kiddies amazing, happy, learning days through all this.
11. I am alive
12. I thanked God for the day, first thing when I woke up
13. I say the Third Step prayer every day, and mean it! [God, I offer myself to Thee. To build with me and do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the burden of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help, of Thy power, Thy love, and Thy way of life. May I do Thy will always.]
14. I have strength inside me! That I never knew I had.
15. I am happy about this trip!
16. I am okay. I am okay inside. Nervous – this money stuff is insane with the stupid fucking divorce laws. But okay. Acceptance. Will do all can, smartly and fully. And then will let go AFTER that.
17. So grateful that I can work.
18. Even though it may seem stupid to some, I AM grateful that I always kept my vows to J. Even when he couldn’t do anything and I was supporting…Even when we couldn’t have friends…etc. etc. I’m grateful because I did the right thing and I don’t regret it at all.
19. I’m also grateful because I loved/love him. And I did get A LOT out of that.
20. And I’m grateful because the pathological part on my side, helped me work out childhood stuff, I guess.
21. I am tremendously grateful for acceptance.
22. I’m grateful that the district photographer came yesterday
23. This quote: Love is the cure, for your pain will continue to give birth to more pain until your eyes constantly exhale love as effortlessly as your body yields its scent.
Rumi
24. And this poem:
The Flames of Love

Let the flames of Love cleanse you
of all clinging to illusions.

Let Love illumine the Truth.

Love is the most sublime path.
Love is the most profound meditation.
Love is the highest attainment.

In Love - the fullness of compassion.
In Love - timeless patience.
In Love - unbounded awareness.
In Love - all is illuminated.
In Love - vast spaciousness.
In Love - form and emptiness embrace.
In Love - I and Thou disappear.
In Love -

Kalidas
25. And this: Everyone has the heart to be a true friend of the soul, an "Anam Cara." By embodying that ideal ourselves we may serve to help others to find love and compassion within themselves and the world.
26. And this: Our highest nature is always manifest in relationship - to all other beings, to the environment, in relation to our own body and mind.
27. Becoming mindful of the quality of our relationships allows us to learn where the light shines and where it needs to shine more. T
28. he ideal of Anam Cara is to continuously endeavor to expand the depth and the inclusiveness of the loving kindness we bring into every relationship, every moment, every breath.
29. God is available to me
30. I am tapping into Him now.
31. I am nice
32. I am decent
33. I am good
34. Planning a trip (although I am still scared) is really fun and freeing.
35. Now I’m BEGINNING to see why dr. always says: One MUST get away sometimes.
36. That I’m alive.
37. I’m tired and wish I had a day off today! But – I’m glad I’m going in. I’m glad I CAN work. I’m glad I GIVE – TO KIDS.
38. Grateful, a always for water. Someone on a site once wrote, “What bullshit – someone being grateful for water. Yeah, right.” Ouch. Well I really am. Truly. There are millions of people dying from diarrhea, literally, because of actual inability to drink clean-enough water. Like drinking from the Ghanges. Who am I to have fresh water? Lucky, that’s all. And very grateful.
39. I’m grateful for a nice letter from L this morning
40. And nice e-mail from M
41. And, although time is short, I’m very grateful that she called, and we just had like a 20 minutes close-girlfriend talk!
42. And Ma’s call last night, thoroughly delighted about my secret valentining of her – I did go all out, and I’m glad. She had done me a big favor regarding my plants during the last break, and I was happy to see her name when I pulled from the box. It gave me sort of a chance to give back: )
43. And I wrote to MA, whom I love so much.
44. And MA and ma (and maybe ML) and I will go to lunch or dinner soon, I think! : )
45. Giving is fun
46. But I am getting majorly serious about money carefulness now!
47. D sent me an e-mail from a thing she gets regularly.
48. And it contained many of those quotes above.
49. And maybe she’s starting to change a little.
50. She told me a friend of hers sat her down last week and said she’s concerned about how negatively she, D, talks about her daughters. And that made her think.
51. Honesty of friends.
52. My principal said she’s been “sick” for me. That this money situation is “not okay.” I like that she knows who I am, likes me, and cares for me.
53. And respects the way I handle things.
54. I’m grateful for our union, even though it costs me.
55. M has already said she’ll lend me a suitcase and a carry-on!:)
56. Ability to shower. When I had my injury, I couldn’t. Then progressed to shower chair. So I really appreciate ability to shower.
57. And to bathe.
58. And having the tub/shower. Indoors.
59. Not taking everything for granted (anymore)
60. My sponsor
61. Pocketbook
62. This laptop (school’s)
63. You
64. Buddha
65. Thich Nhat Hahn
66. God
67. Jesus
68. Holy Spirit - - (Hey, you’re in some pretty good company lol)
69. Humor
70. My being able to not lie and to admit J made this decision
71. And people’s compassionate responses to me
72. Not caring about the behind-the-back-gossipers.
73. I’m grateful for Kandinsky
74. And that I don’t live in “the city.”
75. And that when wound up kind of lost in “the city” yesterday evening, I found my way out.
76. And that I remembered to sign the paperwork in time so car place will give me back money they owe me, at least I think.
77. Grateful for tv. Think it’s bad for us all in a lot of ways, but having grown up with it, it does help me now to have it on.
78. Grateful that have been able to ask people lately, things about what they do, how they live. Like if eat at table or on couch by tv, etc.
79. Dr. comes today.
80. Was very helpful last week.
81. Vacation next week. Needed. Even though must do report cards throughout…
82. Maybe will give some reading assessments today. Yes.
83. And K will be helping me computerly at lunchtime. I appreciate that.
84. I’ve never been in a terrorist attack.
85. Maybe never will.
86. I’ll bring 2 books on the plane
87. They apparently let one embroider too.
88. Somehow I will manage this trip. Feels so scary. But think can do. Oy.
89. People who are not prejudiced or bigoted.
90. Smiles
91. Children
92. Puppies
93. Kittens
94. Rainbows
95. Clouds
96. Sky
97. Sunsets
98. That I don’t take “too many” prescriptions
99. Good doctors
100. Good teachers.
101. And I probably am one.