Grats

I am grateful:

1. (still Sunday) The talk could have gone much worse
2. Lunch with MA and ML
3. I’m not wanting to die, at least
4. Hope
5. Hope in other ways too
6. M called
This saying, which I just read this evening: “If you sometimes feel a little useless, offended or depressed, always remember that YOU were once the fastest and most victorious little sperm out of millions!”
7. Monday now. That I did get up. Was thinking about calling in. But will go in and work, and if need to call in, will do it tomorrow. Besides, might not need to.
8. J called last night. Very very nice. I’m so glad we had that little debrief of our feelings after the morning talk.
9. I am so so glad neither of us is being mean, selfish, or trying to “screw” the other. Not being contentious at all. Both kind. Both realistic. Both know the laws and both willing to go outside them a bit because it’s OUR decisions about OUR OWN welfare.
10. Both seem able to put SELF first, but other a close second. I’m so relieved.
11. ***** EJ, JJ, and Birdie commenting yesterday. Oh I didn’t really expect that. Thank you SO MUCH!
12. I got *some * sleep last night.
13. Guys who want to “date” me.
14. Breath
15. Hope that I have a future. *****EJ, JJ, and Birdie all really think so.
16. And – thanks to Thich Nhat Hahn, I have a present and I know it
17. I might get to go to Plum Village, in France! I’m looking into it today.
18. That I even HAVE the luxury of such choices!
19. Reiki. Oh, I’m so grateful for Reiki.
20. And for Kairava, who gave it to me
21. and initiated me into Reiki Level I
22. and Reiki Level II
23. And included J both times
24. And that he told me he is practicing it daily or so now. I’m very very glad for him.
25. And that I will have a good life. I believe that at this moment.
26. And I hope and pray that he will too. I really do. And I’m grateful that I can and that I do.
27. And we may wind up friends, at least for a while.
28. Work. There were years when I never thought I’d feel that (long ago and inbetween – but please, if you’re reading this, know that I was *always * devoted to the kids and my charge to them). But I SO appreciate it now.
29. And I appreciate that I have it to go too
30. And it gives some structure to my life.
31. Oh – I can’t stay home tomorrow – that reminds me – it’s Valentine’s Day. We have special things going on, and the kids will want me there.
32. That the kids will want me there.
33. And I appreciate that I do have a salary even though it isn’t high. It’s still a regular salary
34. And I do have some health insurance even though I pay a lot. It’s still some insurance!
35. And that I am intellectually capable of doing it.
36. And that I’m emotionally capable of doing it.
37. And I’m physically capable of doing it.
38. And free now to see/say these things.
39. If I could go in right after putting last beloved doggie down, I can go in today!
40. Just got chatty letter from L. Nice
41. And wrote one back.
42. He can bore me to death on the phone, plus I’ve made it abundantly clear that I am NOT ready for a relationship and will NOT hop into bed either, so I guess this is really a friendship, but it’s a welcome one. I think he is a decent man.
43. My time yesterday with MA and ML. I’m so glad we’re friends.
44. And M picked up nice valentines for my kids from me.
45. I’ve only been up for an hour and I already feel like I could lie down right now! But I’m grateful because I know I will have a busy and productive day, and then I will get to lie down.
46. I can exercise today if I can get myself to.
47. I am not miserable and wanting to die. That is huge. Once year ago I was.
48. I truly am “improving my life now.”
49. I might be helping someone else too!
50. Now it’s Tuesday. I am fine that I didn’t finish yesterday, because I was kind of on numb mode, and really needed the day off but didn’t take it. Then all that international stuff came up. So I collapsed after a very busy and somewhat challenging day.
51. Yesterday morning’s fresh coffee
52. Today’s regular coffee
53. Opportunity to learn in person from Thich Nhat Hahn this year!
54. Helpful friends
55. Courage – at least the amount that I do have
56. Belief that somehow I will make it financially, when I do believe that.
57. Sleeping on all this divorce talk stuff because I can’t give him all that money.
58. Hope that he’ll be fair.
59. Valentine’s Day – for the kids
60. Sleep
61. God
62. Buddha
63. Thich Nhat Hahn
64. OA
65. Water
66. Oranges
67. Bananas
68. Spinach
69. Amy’s vegan frozen foods for when need
70. Ability to pay for them, as of now
71. Knowledge from my past experiences, that I can pinch pennies when needed
72. Sitcoms
73. All the things I’ve bought for/given my secret valentine buddy
74. I may be going to London! For a work thing!
75. Every day off I get
76. Nice people
77. Understanding people
78. Every mistake I’ve ever made and gotten away with, when I was really doing my best and no one got hurt (like a scheduling mistake or something).
79. M
80. MA
81. ML
82. St
83. O
84. LG
85. Hope
86. Daily morning readings
87. Doing the 100 gratitudes a day
88. All my morning work
89. The cumulative effect of it
90. My problems could be so much worse
91. My limbs
92. Jo
93. Dreams.
94. Life
95. The health I have
96. Eyesight
97. Shoes
98. Tires
99. Car
100. Job
101. Home