Grats

I am grateful:

1. I am so grateful that I took my mother to the bank and shopping early yesterday.
2. First of all, there was no line at the bank lol
3. And that made it that I could get where I needed to on time.
4. That I was able, through J (unfortunately) and the bank person, to find out my safe deposit box with the papers in it is at the other branch.
5. And I got there.
6. On time.
7. And got out my original birth certificate.
8. And looking at it felt nice. Like my parents had the baby and that was the info and there I was, an innocent, new, maybe – probably - loved little baby.
9. And they were young and hopeful.
10. It was a piece of my history.
11. And I think today, that that experience yesterday, made me feel real.
12. And then I did it. I went over to the post office, and did everything they said, and *got myself * a passport.
13. And all that too, made me feel human. And real. And whole.
14. The government paperwork acknowledging me.
15. The adorable – my age – man helping me.
16. I’m seriously going to find out if that man is married, and if he isn’t, I’m going to invite him to lunch. We work in the same neighborhood.
17. Watching him do the paperwork seemed so – mundane. Like whatever it was that happened last week – same feeling. Like, blah blah blah, these are just the REGULAR things. Regular things people less bright than I, equally bright, and brighter, just do. Not some magic I didn’t get.
18. And I got the picture. I don’t care what it looked like, as long as it is recognizable as me. Bottom line here.
19. And then I cried on the way home. Cried because another, deeper level of realizing I am a person. I am worthy, as everyone else is. I do exist. I am me. Oh my God, I am so grateful to you for that.
20. My doctor thinks I made myself smaller because it felt like the only way to build J up (unconsciously of course). I don’t think so, but I’m grateful for the thought.
21. *I * think I always had these problems and had to get to this point to straighten them out. Not fight them or myself, but gentle myself through them.
22. Probably it’s both.
23. I’m grateful for L. He opens some doors for me, psychologically speaking. I do NOT want a relationship OR sex right now! Just a friendship or 5, and the diversion.
24. And I will continue on having them.
25. Grateful that I could be charmed by that post office guy: )
26. I feel that I can fully accept my spiritual nature now. I must aide it and my staying alive by exercise, of course. But it’s okay that I’m so intensely spiritual. It’s good even. It’s who God made me to be!
27. I am free to be me! Oh, thank you, God.
28. And I might be able to find a couple of children to tutor. I’m very good at it and I could earn a little bit of money.
29. And – I’m thinking of giving Reiki. I am at the level you need to be to do it, and my spirituality and compassion are so big. And I even have a table. I could charge just a little, because I really want to share this gift with others, but still make a few dollars. Mainly though, be giving!
30. And – it might even be really worthwhile after I retire! A way of living and giving and being useful to others!
31. Very nice 1 hour 15 minute talk with L just now, on phone. Nice. Very nice.
32. And I shall go to a museum with him this week. I *believe * he is a decent man.
33. And I think I shall see the movie, “My Week with Marilyn” today with M : )
34. And I will do some stuff around here.
35. And take GOOD care of myself!
36. And exercise.
37. My breath. My breath is just so much deeper so much more frequently, than it has been in years. It used to stop at like, my breastbone. Now it’s down to my navel. I have found my breath. I am so grateful.
38. I am free to be myself!!!!!!!!!! For the first time ever, my HEALTHY self!
39. I am beyond grateful to Birdie and Jj and EJ. Words cannot say. And to all 7 officially listed “followers.” And to every person who reads my blog. I am not alone in cyber-space. I am growing, and I might even be helping someone else.
40. I feel relaxed. I have to do some cleaning, cooking and laundry, yet I feel relaxed.
41. A whole week off. Adding to the relaxed feeling, of course.
42. Picking up doggie tonight!
43. Probably will have til Thursday night! And then again Sat. and Sun. Or even straight through!
44. I am grateful that Roseanne was on at a ridiculously early time this am
45. And then The Nanny
46. And now Hot in Cleveland. I know these shows are ridiculous, but they give me cheer, as background.
47. I am hungry. And therefore I shall take a break from grats and go eat. And that’s a good thing.
48. I am grateful for the view I’m looking at right now.
49. The blue blue sky
50. The oak tree
51. A little bit of some building beyond, but it adds perspective
52. And the wind playing with the branches
53. And the sole brown leaf
54. I’m grateful for my eyesight
55. And for the amazing spirituality I’m feeling this weekend.
56. And for the idea of tutoring
57. Or even doing Reiki
58. For a little money, which I do need
59. And that my mother is not in a hospital or a nursing home today. Yay.
60. And for my new e-mail account. No one else has the password, so I feel perfectly free there.
61. Same with the one that goes to this.
62. And for Betty White. In sitcoms.
63. But also her personal attitude.
64. Squirrels
65. And having seem some black ones
66. And one white one, several times, where I got my Master’s Degree.
67. And a few that were more reddish than grey/brown
68. Coloring
69. Great artists
70. Innocence, like in doggies and children.
71. Dishwashing detergent
72. Fresh fruit! Oranges and apples and a banana in my kitchen right now!
73. Access to plenty of fresh, clean water.
74. Bach
75. Piano
76. I think I’ll practice today.
77. French!
78. I’m going to England!!!!!!!
79. And I’ll bring back things I can use at work!
80. MA, even though some hard times now. I’m so grateful for her deep, close friendship.
81. And for her appreciation of ME.
82. And mine of HER.
83. Getting to work literally next door to my very close friend, M, who is in many ways like a real sister should be.
84. And that she feels the same about me.
85. My “Reiki ring.”
86. My legs
87. My skin. I’m grateful. Really.
88. That I can hear. I can hear birds sing
89. And water move
90. And leaves rustle
91. And people speak
92. And doggie woof. Really. When she does it, it sounds like a small, “Woof.”
93. And O’s bird
94. And wood floors
95. And a tv
96. And magazines
97. And books
98. And electricity
99. And a washer and dryer right here in my home
100. And that they work
101. And heat!