Readings

For Today:

"The maxim, 'Nothing avails but perfection,' may e spelled 'Paralysis.'" Sir Winston Churchill

"How long will the wallpaper in the bedroom hang down like lopping tongues? Why don't I fix it - or have it fixed?
Because I want to do the job perfectly. I want the best, the prettiest, the most elegant wallpaper in the world. But where am I going to find it? Just thinking about looking through stacks and stacks of patterns for the PERFECT one stops me in my tracks. Which is why the wallpaper stays as it is and i keep the bedroom door closed.
Where does the need to be perfect come from? it's true that if I don't do anything, no one can criticize my lack of taste or whatever it is I think I ought to have. But the harshest and most unrelenting critic of all is me; I see that wallpaper every day and I hate the slob who forces me to live that way."

Wow, not wallpaper, but in other ways, I can REALLY relate to this.

"For today: Perfectionism is another obsession, and I pray to be relieved of it. I do the necessary footwork by taking one small step toward a project or activity I have been putting off."

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Voices of Recovery

"OA doesn't tell us we have to believe in God - - only that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity." OA 12 & 12 p. 13

"My concept of a Higher Power has changed, just as I have changed. I am not the same person I once was. I had worshipped God in church, so it was easy to return to that setting. however, after a few years, I realized that I no longer believed God was big enough to restore me to sanity. He worked in the lives of everyone else, but not in mine.
My sponsor said I was suffering from 'tiny God syndrome.' She suggested that I borrow her Higher Power while I was trying to define my own. If that was not big enough, i could take all the Higher Powers from everyone at our big meeting. It reminded me of taking little pieces of clay from here and there until I hd a big pile.
Every time I thought of something big, I came up with something bigger. Finally, I realized that when the sun shines, it doesn't shine in just one spot, and that maybe God's love could be that big."

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In This Moment

"In This Moment, I have choices.

I don't have to live from the script where I play the victim. I can write my script in a way that is healthy for me. I am now more likely to evaluate the situation as it is happening, calmly view the options available to me, and make a choice. I have the freedom to improvise. I am living the most perfect life I am capable of living. I am happy, healthy, and making progress every day."

Oh, I really needed to hear this now. I wrote to J this morning, so he'd know about England and would keep doggie that week (also as I'm telling my mother, she'll mention it to him and it would be beyond weird if he didn't know). And he wrote back a very friendly congratulations and being happy for me in so many ways and a joke that he's pretty sure the boiled beef there should be vegan. But it was so - totally detached and I'm just a good kid he knows - a friend - that it feels funny in my stomach. So it's great for me to read this today.

And - and I feel kind of bad about this for some reason, I'm now up to the pages in this book which I've already seen, which means I've been in CoDA for a year. But actually, that is good because I AM a lot better and still improving...

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The Language of Letting Go

"Solving Problems

I ask that You might help me work through all my problems, to Your Glory and Honor." Alcoholics Anonymous

"Many of us lived in situations where it wasn't okay to identify, have, or talk about problems. Denial became a way of life - our way of dealing with problems.
In recovery, many of us still fear problems. We may spend more time reacting to a problem than we do to solving it. We miss the point; we miss the lesson; we miss the gift. Problems are a part of life. So are solutions.
A problem doesn't mean life is negative or horrible. Having a problem doesn't mean a person is deficient. All people have problems to work through.
In recovery, we learn to focus on solving our problems. First, we make certain the problem is our problem. If it isn't, our problem is establishing boundaries. Then we seek the best solution. This my mean setting a goal, asking for help, gathering more information, taking an action, or letting go.
Recovery does not mean immunity or exemption from problems; recovery means learning to face and solve problems, knowing they will appear regularly. We can trust our ability to solve problems, and know we're not doing it alone. having problems does not mean our Higher Power is picking on us. some problems are part of life; others are ours to solve, and we'll growing necessary ways in the process.
Face and solve TODAY'S problems. don't worry needlessly about tomorrow's problems, because when they appear, we'll have the resources necessary to solve them.
Facing and solving problems - working through problems with help from a Higher Power - means we're living and growing and reaping benefits.

God, help me face and solve my problems today. Help me do my part and let the rest go. I can learn to be a problem-solver."

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