I feel:
Abandoned by J, Clueless about how to handle things, Rejected by J, Shaky about my life, Uneasy about everything - everything, Apprehensive about my financial future, sort of Alienated, Kind of Lifeless between tired and caffeinated and scared and depressed, Defective because haven't been able to work out primary relationships, Bewildered about what the fuck to do, Absurd I feel like I am absurd, Ill in intestines, Distrustful of men and commitments in future, Disturbed in general, Overall dreadful because afraid of the future - when in the moment not as bad, Puzzled about suggestions from phone therapist, Uncomfortable physically and emotionally, Jilted by J even though we made a commitment, Anguished about where my life is and where it's going, Distant from all and even myself and somewhat Numb, Ignored (J),
and Wounded like a vulnerable bird whose wing is broken.
And broken, but remembering that maybe I had to be broken to be fixed, right?
And somewhat panicky about it all, future, each day, this day, etc.
And
Powerless, Willing, and Humble - OA
And
Sacred because God made me and is in my life, Alive somewhat - I mean I am, Grateful for so much like on grats list, Valued at work and by some friends, Blessed and Fortunate in so many ways (grats), Worthy in a way because God made me and since I believe all beings are worthy I must be too, Somewhat calm not sure why, Needed at work.
Next time differently:
Continue to eat a bit more greens and fruit daily
5 good things about me
I have helped M
I have helped MA
I helped C
I try. Every day I try.
I am still funny.
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