CoDA Morning Work Today

I woke up, had coffee, sent that important e-mail, checked it off my list, spoke with sponsor, did grats and readings, and I feel:

Upset, Fearful a bit, INCAPABLE, Inadequate, Lousy, Insecure, Furious, Barraged with stuff to do, Disturbed, Overlooked, Bothered, Jittery, Numb (even despite all these other feelings), VULNERABLE, REJECTED, Entangled, Defective in a way but not fully because God made me, Lonely, Bypassed, INFERIOR, Anxious, Bothered, Angry, Shaky, Estranged, Left out, Sorrowful, Jilted, Worried, Sad, Lost, REGRETFUL, Undervalued, Wounded, Doubtful, hindered, Dejected, Dissatisfied, Encumbered, Intimidated, Unstable, Blue, Helpless, and Defeated

and
Powerless, Humble, Willing

and
Hopeful, Grateful, Welcoming, Enpowered, Inspired, Sacred, Divine, Open, healthy, Whole, Optimistic, Blessed

I think it is because:
Despite being a compulsive overeater and a codependent, I am in many ways normal. And it is normal to feel all sorts of mixed things and back and forth at this time. I am sad about the decades gone and loving J but him not loving me, and not having seen or faced... ... ...
I am willing to give over to God and eat well and make other changes necessary.
I have inspiration in MA, and O, and St, and M, and things I've accomplished in my past.
I have health and I have strength and I will somehow do it.

5 good things about me:
1. I gave service to my mother yesterday (and it wound up making ME happy)
2. I gave service to O yesterday (and it wound up making ME happy)
3. I am daily trying to do what's right
4. I am seriously considering volunteering at a hospital
5. I am strong. I am.