Grats

I am grateful:

1. The heater is working.
2. After my big disappointment yesterday, I only hurt for a short time.
3. MA helped.
4. I believe God helped.
5. I’m not the biggest fool in the world. People who do mean things on purpose are worse. So even though I felt like a fool last night, it’s not really that bad.
6. Toda’s For Today: “Do not peer too far.” Pindar
7. “It would be a frightening thing to be able to see into the future.
8. “Equally joyless and disquieting, however, is the all-too-familiar habit of Someday.” And that is what I have ALWAYS done. Was just thinking about how I always do that, yesterday. Again. Grateful to read it here.
9. And grateful to hear it called “the all-too-familiar”
10. “Someday, I will take that tap dancing class . . . sign up for volunteer service at the hospital . . . go on that cruise to the Greek islands.” Oh my gosh, dancing lessons, hospital volunteering, and trip are three I’ve literally been doing that week this week!
11. “I have lived in the future too long.
12. “My life is going on now,
13. “and there is only one way to live it: now.
14. “for today: I neither want to know the future, nor to live in it before it arrives.” Okay…
15. Today’s Voices of Recovery: “We go to meetings, we make an effort to express our feelings openly and we act as if the power to change, to abstain from compulsive overeating is already ours.” For today, p. 8
16. “I have always been a person who see ‘the big picture’ and plans ahead. At those first few meetings, I couldn’t comprehend that my abstinence and recovery were not a lifetime commitment.
17. “When stumbling through the beginning of my recovery, I came upon the phrase of living and acting as if – as if I am abstinent,
18. “as if I have a solid relationship with God,
19. “as if I have a sponsor, and as if I am indeed recovering.”
20. So now I know what act as if means. There’s been some confusion about that.
21. And then it sort of promises, “That simple mental adjustment has helped immeasurably.
22. “I have come from acting as if to actually being abstinent,
23. “to having a relationship with God
24. I am most grateful for that one – “I have come from acting as if to having a relationship with God. I’m glad to read that.
25. And I’m also glad that it feels the most important to me, that one.
26. “to living one day at a time,
27. “to having a sponsor (and now being one),
28. :and to actually recovering.
29. “Learning to live in the moment has been a blessing.
30. “I no longer fret about what hasn’t been done,
31. “or what has already happened.
32. “I’ve learned to ‘just be.’
33. “I can acknowledge that for today, I am abstinent and grateful.
34. “I’m no longer in the driver’s seat.
35. “that simple thought could never have happened without OA.” Oh, thank God. Then there is hope for me.
36. I had nightmares last night. But I woke up and they are not real. Good.
37. Today’s In This Moment: “In This Moment, I connect with my Higher Power.
38. “There are many times when I forget to ask for help.” Yup
39. “I’m afraid to admit that I don’t know what to do.” Oh. Hadn’t thought of that.
40. “I cause myself so much pain and anxiety.” Yup.
I’m not grateful I do that, of course. I’m grateful to see it here. Again, it gives me hope that there is a way out of it.
41. “Thanks to CoDA, my Higher Power knocks on the door and says, ‘Hey, remember me?’
42. “Why can’t I remember? Why don’t I go to my Higher Power before I stress myself out?” Good thought!
43. “Today, I know it takes time to change old behavior patterns. With the Steps, CoDA meetings, service work, and my sponsorship relationships, I am changing.
44. “I’m learning not to wait so long.
45. “It’s OK to ask for help!”
46. Today’s Language of Letting Go: “Clear Thinking” I hope!
47. “Strive for clear thinking.
48. “Many of us have had our thinking clouded by denial.
49. “Some of us have even lost faith in ourselves because we’ve spent a degree of time in denial.” These are talking about me.
50. “But losing faith in our thinking isn’t going to help us.
51. “What we need to lose faith in is denial.
52. “We didn’t’ resort to denial – either of someone else’s problem or our own – “ oh my gosh, me on both counts!
53. “We didn’t resort to denial – either of someone else’s problem or our own – because we were deficient.” Wow!
54. “Denial, the shock-absorber for the soul,
55. “protects us until we are equipped to cope with reality.” Okay.
56. “Clear thinking and recovery don’t mean we will never resort to denial. Denial is the first step toward acceptance, and for most of our life, we will be striving to accept something.” Really? Wow. I wonder like what. Anyway, grateful to be reading this too, of course. That’s why it’s here.
57. “Clear thinking means we don’t allow ourselves to become immersed in negativity or unrealistic expectations.
58. “We stay connected to other recovering people.
59. “We go to our meetings,
60. “where peace of mind and realistic support are available.
61. “We work the Steps, pray, and meditate.
62. “We keep our thinking on track by asking our Higher Power to help us think clearly –
63. “not by expecting Him, or someone else, to do our thinking for us.” Oh. Wow.
64. “Today, I will strive for balanced, clear thought in all areas of my life.”
65. The kids had such fun yesterday!
66. Two times – two activities that were fantastic!
67. And the were generous too. Yay.
68. I am grateful that I was warm enough outside yesterday.
69. And that I drove safely and got where I needed to go and home.
70. I am grateful for the sunrise every morning.
71. I am grateful that I am breathing well today. Yesterday afternoon I wasn’t.
72. I’m grateful that I should be able to go get my hair cut Thursday.
73. And see my dr. today. Then not for 3 weeks. So am glad for today.
74. And that I’ll get to speak with my sponsor in a little while.
75. And for lunch chat. I’m glad I’m taking more lunch breaks now. I need to get out of the room and be with other adults a bit.
76. Hope.
77. God.
78. Prayer.
79. Wearing my pedometer and getting more steps virtually every day.
80. I do believe I will clean this weekend. Really.
81. That I am not sick.
82. That I am doing gratitudes first every day now.
83. My pillow.
84. My slipper shoes. My feet are not cold.
85. Earmuffs
86. Access to plenty of fresh, clean water.
87. Bathroom and indoor plumbing.
88. Plants
89. That I bought such a lovely gift for O. I’m really excited about it.
90. That my mother sounded good again last night.
91. That I’ll take her out Friday late afternoon, early evening. I look forward to that and am grateful for the opportunity.
92. Two arms.
93. Thumb still fine.
94. Healthy heart.
95. Eyesight.
96. Car
97. Job for support.
98. Working next door to M. That’s very lucky for me.
99. The look of treetops against the sky.
100. Children
101. Especially where they’re exuberant. And that I get to be with them.