Thank you, God, for this day.
I woke up, had coffee, did grats and some work e-mails, and I feel:
Regretful, rejected, bothered, lonely, alone, undervalued, low, angry, frightened, foolish, unhappy, insecure, jealous, jilted, anxious, and inferior
and
Humble, powerless, willing
and
Sacred, healthy, welcoming, blessed, useful, grateful, inspired, and somewhat whole.
I think it is because:
First stuff:
I'm so sorry for the way I have made my home and personal life turn out so far. And so sorry for how I treated my marriage.
I feel inferior to others who have managed to make a good life for themselves and feel more fulfilled. Jealous of their upbringings, or whatever it is that they have inside that I don't.
I feel foolish about my big disappointment yesterday. Foolish for all the times I think a friend means one thing, when they either mean something else or change mind.
The middle stuff:
Food. Realizing can't do it alone. Need God. Willing to turn to God and program. Willing to continue doing better, as I have been.
The third stuff:
I know I am very blessed. I am very grateful for that. I believe I am in God's hands, when I let myself be. I am beginning to feel like more of a full person.
5 good things about me:
1. No matter how long I teach, I continue to try to get better and to get better
2. I really try to keep the child's developmental stage in mind
3. I really try to accept each kid where he/she is
4. I am a very loving friend
5. I am generous
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