CoDA

Thank you God, for this day.

I woke up and I feel:

Hindered, lonely, bothered, unhappy, unstable, overwhelmed, vulnerable, angry, disturbed, exhausted, inadequate, anxious, regretful, alone, humble, ill, broken, irritated, defective, rejected, disturbed, estranged, worried, a little depressed frightened and betrayed
and
Willing, powerless, open
and
Grateful, sacred, healthy, wonderful, and blessed

I think it is because:
First stuff: J of course. And O - her schedule and mine are exactly opposite now, and I never get to see or talk with her. L. wants to come to our grade next year and might get moved there. I'm pissed at her. Long story. And I think although without using some of my points at night I can't sleep, I must find a way, because I ate a lot of them late last night and I feel worse today. Well, at least I'm not having junk and I'm not binging and eating more than my points...Also, the faculty meeting with all the goodies really set me off and made it difficult. I still feel like something's wrong with me BUT I don't feel hopeless.
Second stuff: Food. I've really begun to get that I cannot do it alone. so I turn to God and I do my program(s). And I'm open to a food plan. And I'm even wearing a pedometer.
Third stuff: God is with me. I should wind up being all right.

I acted out codependently:
Not being open enough to D, even though she is a pain and everyone thinks so. I'd like to be more compassionate and open.
And eating too many points at night.

Next time I think I'll do differently:
Spread my points more evenly.
Maybe this weekend see O?
Keep becoming the best person I can be, every day.
Today, just for today, what if I act like everything is fine. I don't mean act as in pretend to others. I mean in me.