Grats

I am grateful:

1. Two days til some time off
2. My good breath
3. My mother is coming home from the hospital today or tomorrow
4. O’s concert yesterday
5. I liked my time at her house
6. She loved the little gift from the class
7. The ride out was great
8. No phobia and no pill!
9. The concert was amazing.
10. I had the best seat in the house
11. I turned pages for most of rehearsal
12. The music was beautiful
13. The playing was inspirational
14. Ride home quick and easy
15. I called my mom on way home
16. She sounded great.
17. That I got coverage for this afternoon so I can go to the little boy’s funeral service
18. Another day of eating so well yesterday
19. Got myself to OA yesterday. Didn’t want to – didn’t think could – but did
20. And it was so good for me
21. And they like me being there for them too
22. Today’s for Today: First keep the peace within yourself, then you can also bring peace to others.” Thomas a Kempis
23. That I am doing these readings every day
24. Back to For Today: “As I begin putting into practice the principles of the program, my first reward is a miraculous, unprecendetd peace of mind.”
25. My new commitment to meditation.
26. And it says: “Without any effort on my part, my life is changing:
27. “I am easier to get along with at home” that’s true
28. “and at work;
29. “people smile at me more,
30. “and I realize it is because I am smiling.
31. “Even in an argument, that deep inner peace makes me different:
32. “I am actually expressing disagreement without being disagreeable.
33. “That is how this program enables me to bring peace to others. It is impossible to keep serenity to myself.
34. “It radiates from my innermost core, without my having to say a word of lift a finger.
35. “For today: This is how to influence the nervous, contentious people I know: go to any length to get and keep m own peace of mind.”
36. I’m grateful for remembering frequently about the energy you put out – from the book Stroke of Insight. Nervous energy verses peaceful energy.
37. Today’s Voices of Recovery: “’…do we let the needs of others govern us while we ignore our own? … have we tried to shifr the blame to others?’” OA 12 & 12 p. 36
38. “Once I believed that I needed to allow others’ expectations to influence my food choices.
39. “In OA I learned that unless force was being used, I was the one making the food decisions.
40. “I had to admit that no one had persuaded me to eat anything.
41. “I’ve discovered that most people are too preoccupied to notice what others eat.
42. “The few who are focused on my food choices have had their own addiction problems.
43. “For example, one acquaintance urged me to eat foods that I had eaten in the past.
44. “I realized that she was struggling with her own lack of control.
45. “Joining her in a binge would have harmed me and would not have helped her – better to be an example of hope.
46. “Now when someone comments on my food choices, I reply that I feel better when I follow my food plan.
47. “No one has ever responded by urging me to do something that would make me feel worse.”
48. Today’s In This Moment: “In This Moment, I give by choice.
49. “I can only give genuine service when I give freely, by my own choice.
50. “If I can only give a little sometimes, that’s OK.” Wow. Really? I think I can say no about the request to care for that person’s dog.
51. “I cannot give what I do not have.
52. “In recovery, I’m aware that I need time to relax,
53. play,
54. pray,
55. and meditate – to go back to the spiritual well and fill my soul.
56. “then, I can give to others out of a feeling of fullness,
57. “nurturing,
58. “and love,
59. “instead of resentment and obligation.
60. “I help others more when I first help and love myself.”
61. Today’s Language of Letting Go: “Expectations of Others. It is our job to identify our needs,
62. “and then determine a balanced way of getting those needs met.
63. “We ultimately expect our Higher Power and the Universe –
64. “not one particular person – to be our source.” Wow. Yes.
65. “It is unreasonable to expect anyone to be able or willing to meet our every request.” I wish I’d known THAT before. Oh well.
66. “We are responsible for asking for what we want and need. It’s the other person’s responsibility to freely choose whether or not to respond to our request. If we try to coerce or fore another to be there for us, that’s controlling.
67. “There’s a difference between asking and demanding. We want love that is freely given.”
68. And it is not up to someone else to meet all our needs anyway. THAT’S what I wish I’d known before.
69. Oh. Here it is. I’m glad I just thought of it before reading it: “It is unreasonable and unhealthy to expect one person to be the source for meeting all our needs.
70. Ultimately, we will become angry and resentful, maybe even punishing, toward that person for not supporting us as we expected.” Yup.
71. “It is reasonable to have certain and well-defined expectations of our spouse, children, and friends.
72. “If a person cannot or will not be there for us, then we need to take responsibility for ourselves in that relationship.
73. “We may need to set a boundary,
74. “alter our expectations,
75. “or change the limits of the relationship to accommodate that person’s unavailability.
76. “we do this for ourselves.”
77. “It is reasonable to sprinkle our wants and needs around and to be realistic about how much we ask or expect of any particular person.
78. “We can trust ourselves to know what’s reasonable.
79. “The issue of expectations goes back to knowing that we are responsible for identifying our needs,
80. “believing they deserve to get met,
81. “and discover an appropriate, satisfactory way to do that in our life.
82. “Today, I will strive for reasonable expectations about getting my needs met in relationships.”
83. That I just realized that by accident, I have been reading the 20th in these books this morning. I think I needed these messages today anyway. I’ll read the 19th tomorrow.
84. God in my life.
85. Starting to be better with money. And more realistic.
86. That the brother of the boy who died has a good prognosis.
87. That there’s lots of support at school today for all of us regarding the tragic death.
88. That I noticed a big difference in my REACTION to my mother’s hospitalization vs in August.
89. That O noticed it too.
90. That she said these newer feelings – stronger, more positive, hopeful – come at first in a moment here and there and then increase.
91. That her little house is so beautiful. For her.
92. And it gives me hope.
93. That I’m still doing my morning work every day.
94. That I’m more committed to my Buddhism.
95. That I’ll probably be able to have doggie more during vaca! : )
96. That Ma called this weekend. I wasn’t here but I will call her back.
97. That I have appropriate clothing to wear today. Not to dreary for class, but dark enough for funeral service after.
98. That I have a prep this morning, during which I can plan the afternoon, as I was out Friday.
99. That O and her mother noticed I’ve lost weight, yesterday.
100. That I am grateful for everything I list here, every day.
101. That I do get to 100 every day, and could do many more.