Important Gratitudes

I am grateful:

1. All that I did yesterday, with God’s help.
2. That I did get to all my program work.
3. Nice little talk with Ma also. Have put her in perspective in my life.
4. People in countries reading my blog. U.S., China, Russia, Canada, Germany, Norway, Latvia, Ukraine, Brazil, France.
5. I am *determined * to learn to speak French.
6. Nice talk with sponsor this am
7. Eyesight
8. Hearing
9. Speech
10. Ability to read
11. And to write
12. And to type
13. And to play piano
14. And to clean
15. Now about to do living room.

16. I have finished the l.r.
17. I even moved around some paintings
18. I am about half finished with the den.
19. I really really want junk – and I want non-vegan junk. But I’m grateful because I’m not doing it.
20. The vacuum working
21. The piano tuner coming tomorrow
22. Me going to Buddha place tomorrow with O
23. Two and a Half Men repeats. True. The older ones.
24. My mother did schedule her 2 dr. appointments anyway.
25. And went to one today.
26. And other is tomorrow
27. I’ve neatened the whole desk and most all bookshelves in the house.
28. I’m tired and achy but I’m not stopping.
29. I am now practicing *three * piano pieces! One Bach, one Reinhold, and one Chopin.
30. My online spiritual community.
31. My strong enough legs.
32. My cute and sweet and fun-loving doggie.
33. That maybe I can see MA later.
34. That maybe I can go to an OA meeting.
35. I am so grateful that I no longer want to kill myself.
36. And that I am grateful for waking up in the mornings, instead of feeling, “Oh shit – why did I wake up?”
37. I am so grateful that I appreciate life.
38. And that I am setting my time and taking scheduled breaks.
39. I am grateful that I have underwear
40. And bras
41. And socks
42. And stockings
43. And shoes
44. And an ugly but warm enough coat.
45. And a Bible
46. Dec 30th now. E-mail I just sent to M.
47. Waking up to things in order. Only bedroom left to do, and stuff that goes to the basement. I was too wiped yesterday!
48. I have searched out a French tutor. One of the replies was very nice, and a reasonable price, and I can even get a discount. I know what I can give up to pay for almost all of it. Another tweak or two and I can do it. Plus, I might work a bit extra at another place . That’s okay. This has been a dream for literally 40 years! And now I’m going to start it!
49. The sunroom, dining room, living room, den, and bathroom are clean. Oh, thank God. Now I just have the dreaded bedroom with the broken bed. The whole house is about 790 square feet only, and the cellar – don’t ask, and the attic I can’t even get into – literally (cabinets are back too far and pull down stairs can’t come down. Plus it needs work. But it’s straightened, cleaned, and redesigned a little to reflect me! (Moved some pictures around, bought a little cheap area rug and some throw pillows, moved some things around, that sort of thing).
50. All bookshelves are in order.
51. “His” desk is finally in order.
52. The floors are shiny. Oh my gosh.
53. And I slept last night.
54. And I’m sitting here
55. having coffee I made,
56. and doing gratitudes on a laptop with reruns of the Nanny on in the background
57. while lovey little dog is still sleeping in the bed. Lucky me.
58. I honest thought I would NEVER take a deep breath again unless J. came “home.” And every breath is deep this morning!
59. I honestly hoped I would die. And now I want to live. Oh, thank God.
60. And thank *you, * if you read this. You are a BIG help to me. I hope I am some help to you.
61. I so wish the best for J. And I feel good about that.
62. I am grateful for glass windows. Hey, most people in the early 19th century in this country didn’t have them, I think.
63. And maybe soon I’ll clean them lol.
64. I’m grateful that I decided to spend calories cleaning by myself, rather than money I don’t have getting someone else to do it.
65. That practicing piano feels different now. He was always 100% supportive of and beautiful about it. Honestly. But *I * have been trying to undo some serious childhood damage, and I think I have had to be independent to do it!
66. I think of how lucky I am. So many who can't make these choices. And if you are one of them, I am praying for you. Honestly.
67. Women who are abused but uneducated and have little children and are threatened –
68. Women who don't have medicine
69. Women who don't have food for their babies or themselves
70. Women who don't have freedom - can be executed for leaving husband or can lose children and all rights to seeing them forever.
71. Women who are unjustly convicted and in prison
72. Women in iron lungs.
73. And I want to give back even more. Am thinking of possibly volunteering at a hospital.
74. I am finally wanting to live, and appreciating all my good fortune, and wanting to be fully me and use my gifts to help.
75. I finally just did the right thing. Some beautiful people have e-mailed me, and I couldn’t even face the e-mails. But they deserved better. So I have read the e-mails and e-mailed them back.
76. And I am very grateful to people who have reached out to me via e-mail.
77. I think I have spent about 27 years making J. my Higher Power. I’m not so much grateful for that lol, but I’m grateful that I don’t today!
78. And for the lessons learned.
79. I am grateful that my poop is the shape Dr. Oz says it should be (s shaped)
80. I am grateful that I have a kitchen
81. And a bathroom
82. And indoor plumbing
83. And food for doogie
84. And even treats for her
85. And an OA sponsor
86. And a CoDA sponsor
87. And a service position in one of the groups
88. And that I have been to open NA meetings
89. And that today I will either go to the city, if O feels better, or clean, if she doesn’t. Either way is a good thing
90. That I am good to my friends
91. And they are good to me
92. That I have learned and am learning more and more about different people. From different places. With different lifestyles…
93. That I am open-minded
94. That I can become even moreso.
95. That after waiting over 20 years, I finally have my little sunroom – a meditative space.
96. And within about 2 months, it will have heat.
97. That I am losing weight.
98. That I feel good within my own skin. First time EVER.
99. That although I’m achy and it’s harder to get up and down from floor than it used to be… I am in good enough shape to do the work around here.
100. That the internet exists.
101. That blogs exist.