CoDA Work This Morning

I woke up, had a little coffee, called sponsor, did 100 grats, and I feel:

Worried, encumbered, regretful, angry, envious, anxious, lonely, bothered, frightened, jealous, unstable, incapable, undervalued, excluded, humiliated, ostracized, estranged

and
Willing, humble, powerless,

and
Hopeful, sacred, blessed, healthy, spiritual, grateful, welcoming, supported

I think it is because:
First stuff: J. Holidays. Mother. Almost everyone I know vacationing away with family. Husbands, etc. Children. Angry and undervalued because I *am * a good person and wish I didn't have to be rejected. Regretful for so much, so much. Must get over regrets.

Middle stuff: food and program

Third stuff: God. Hope. Who knows what's coming.
And I am beginning to recover.

I acted out codependently:
overeating twice and not going to enough meetings and not continuing on plugging through with Step Eight
Next time I think I will do differently:
Just keep going.

5 Good Things about Me.
Oy.
Um.
1. I spent a generous amount on O's gift.
2. I'm smart
3. I'm trying. I am continuing to try.
4. I have never given up.
5. I do grats first now.
6. (Because 4 and 3 are almost the same) I smile at others.