Grats

I am grateful:

1. Doggie is here
2. New food plan today, I think.
3. Although I can’t choose the minutes yet because I don’t understand it, I have the new microwave and it works.
4. Antibiotics
5. Fun at party last night. I didn’t think I could have fun, but I did.
6. Laughter at the party.
7. Principal’s warmth at the party.
8. One of the foods might have actually been vegan. That was a thrill to me. I’d eaten my own, so I’m not sure…but it was at least vegetarian.
9. Red pepper hummus
10. Guacamole
11. Whole grain bread
12. I still have healthy foods in the freezer.
13. I’m truly grateful that I’m not as depressed as I was Wed. and the preceding weeks. It’s lifted a bit, thank God.
14. Today’s For Today: “Behold how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity.” The Bible: Psalms. Like CoDA and OA meetings…
15. Oh, yes, because it goes on to say: “I go to meetings because it is where I feel at home. Here I meet friends, join in warm conversation and express my feelings.
16. “Here I am accepted.
17. “OA seemed strange to me in the beginning, but people reached out and said, ‘You never have to take another compulsive bite again,’
18. Wow. Maybe I NEVER have to take another compulsive bite again.
19. “and I believed them.
20. “They listened when I talked,
21. “comforted me when I was distressed,
22. “cheered my newfound abstinence
23. “Before long, I was seeking out newcomers to welcome them as I had been welcomed,
24. “to listen with patience and understanding.” I want to do that.
25. “Yes, I am at one with my sisters and brothers.
26. “For today: Thank God for OA meetings,
27. “where compulsive overeaters don’t have to explain or defend or try to be something they’re not – they just share themselves as they are.” That’s good.
28. Today’s voices of Recovery: “Pray to God, but continue to row to shore.” Russian proverb as quoted in For Today p. 136
29. “Surrender does not mean that I take no action; it means that I take action and surrender the results.
30. …”If I do what is suggested and let go of the results, I often find better results than I could have imagined.
31. “In Overeaters Anonymous, I have learned that the Twelve Steps provide a way of working through a problem.
32. “This is the equivalent of ‘rowing to shore.’
33. “First I work Steps One through Three
34. “and then I take the action Steps, Four through Nine.
35. “This way, I can rid myself of my character defects, one at a time.
36. “I realized this while working through the Steps for the first time.
37. “after completing Steps Six and Seven, I was relieved of anger as a driving force in my life.
38. “It was a tremendous relief
39. “and a strong incentive to work the rest of the Steps
40. “and to continue working them to this day.
41. “The image of my rowing a boat is a good one.
42. “I don’t have to be at the mercy of the currents,
43. “nor do I need to attempt to control nature.
44. “I can do the best I can,
45. “knowing that is enough.”
46. He has not divorced me, nor mentioned it. Maybe there is hope. Last year, it was my not believing there was hope that made it be so. I didn’t realize he was still considering, and I gave up. Maybe I don’t have to do that this time.
47. Today’s In This Moment: “In This Moment, I focus on just this day.
48. “Just of today. What a simple phrase, but so hard to remember!” And I really do want to remember it. It is beautiful. And simple and profound at the same time. And I’m grateful for it. Just for today.
49. I hear that phrase now differently than I used to. A year ago I heard it as, “I have to right to assume I can do this for more than today and I’ll sound like fool if I sound like I think I can.” Very negative. Now I hear it as, “Life is only available in the present moment.” Beautiful. And, “All I ever have to do, is today. This moment.” Easier.
50. I just had the nicest phone chat with J. Yay. Not yay in terms of a future. But yay in terms of happy phone chat for the two of us.
51. It should be nice – brisk and invigorating but not uncomfortably cold – out today.
52. And it goes on to say: “I forget this phrase when I’m overwhelmed, anxious, or projecting.
53. “The other day, I was arguing with my teenage son and I could think only negative thoughts about his future. Then, the light came on. Be in the moment.
54. “I was anticipating. I needed to come back to today’s problems and solutions, not the future or past.
55. “I let go and focus on today.
56. “God keeps me on track, one day at a time.”
57. Today’s Language of Letting go: Developing Healthy Tolerance.
58. I’m grateful that doggie is happily in the yard right now
59. And that her cut is healed.
60. And that I went to a weight watchers meeting. OA is the thing for me, but I can use the ww food plan if I want
61. I’m grateful that I really like the leader. She was intelligent and open-minded. And veganism didn’t freak her out.
62. And I liked the group of people too.
63. And tomorrow they roll out some new things. So maybe I’ll stop there again and buy the basic materials.
64. I’m grateful that I feel – well – like – myself. I haven’t felt this in a LONG time. I think it’s the anti-depressant. I don’t feel high, or euphoric, or untroubled or weird. Just real – like – me. I am more grateful to that than I can say.
65. And I think CoDA is also a piece of the help and I’m grateful for CoDA
66. And I think OA is a piece of the help and I’m grateful for OA
67. And I know God is there helping and I’m very grateful for God.
68. And I’m grateful for this particular ww leader.
69. And remembering to do some lighthearted things.
70. Now. Back to today’s Language of Letting Go. Developing Healthy Tolerance.
Many of us are skilled at denying and discounting what hurts us. We may endure a particular situation, telling ourselves repeatedly it’s not that bad; we wouldn’t be so demanding; it’ll change any day; we should be able to live with it; it doesn’t annoy us; the other person didn’t really mean it; it doesn’t hurt; maybe its’ just us.” Yes. I’ve definitely done that.
71. “We may fight and argue with ourselves about the reality and validity of our pain – our right to feel it and do something about it.
72. “Often we will tolerate too much or so much that we become furious and refuse to tolerate any more.” Yes. I’ve done that too.
73. But it says: “We can learn to develop healthy tolerance.” Yay.
74. And “We do that by setting healthy boundaries and trusting ourselves to own our power with people.
75. “We can lessen our pain and suffering by validating and paying attention to ourselves.” Okay. Good. Important.
76. “We can work at shortening the time between identifying a need to set a boundary, and taking clear, direct action.
77. “We aren’t crazy. Some behaviors really do bug us. Some behaviors really are inappropriate, annoying, hurtful or abusive.” This might sound like, Duh of course, to some people. But I really need to learn it now.
78. “We don’t have to feel guilty about taking care of ourselves once we identify a boundary that needs to be set.
79. Look at the experience as an experiment in owning our power, in establishing new, healthy boundaries and limits for ourselves.
80. We don’t have to feel guilty or apologize or explain ourselves after we’ve set a boundary.
81. “We can learn to accept the awkwardness and discomfort of setting boundaries with people.
82. “We can establish our rights to have these limits.
83. “We can give the other person room to have and explore his or her feelings;” Really? I am glad to hear it.
84. “We can give ourselves room to have our feelings – as we struggle to own our power and create good, working relationships.
85. “Once we can trust our ability to take care of ourselves, we will develop healthy reasonable tolerance of others.” Yes. True. This is good.
86. “God, help me begin striving for healthy boundaries and healthy tolerance for myself and others.”
87. Prayer
88. Orange juice mixed with water
89. Water
90. Not being isolated all the time.
91. And not wanting to be.
92. Lots of people seek in out irl.
93. Just playing with doggie a few minutes ago: )
94. Bookstores
95. Health food stores nearby.
96. Walks in nature.
97. It did turn out to be beautiful out today.
98. That I got out there for a couple of hours plus.
99. Wanting to eat normal human portions as of late.
100. EJ and all her ideas/support/help.