Grats

I am grateful:

1. I got some sleep. Despite the dreams. At least I slept. And I am grateful for that.
2. I am grateful that it’s a new day. The funeral was so so sad. I’m glad this is a new day.
3. My mother is probably getting home from the hospital today. And I’m grateful for that.
4. And for the coloring pages I made mine and M’s kids yesterday.
5. The lessons of life from little A, who died. How he loved life. How smiling and strong and brave and hopeful and cheerful he was. May I honor his life by enjoying mine. I mean that.
6. The lessons from his brother, B, who has the same genetic disorder, but may well make it. But who has also been through over 13 months in a hospital with experimental treatments. Lessons in handling himself well, in appreciation, and in positive attitude.
7. For Today: “Be not afraid of life.
8. “Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help create the fact.” William James.
9. “Say Yes instead of No.
10. “Apply that principle to all your living problems.” Wow.
11. “Approach your difficulties with the belief that everything – even the problem itself – is helping you to find a solution.
12. “There is no room for fear in such a philosophy.
13. “You will not be afraid if you believe – really believe – that life is with you and WANTS you to solve your problems.” Wow wow.
14. “Beliee that you can be abstinent.
15. “You will be.
16. “Believe that you can have sanity,
17. “peace of mind
18. “and freedom to live the life you want.” Wow!
19. “You will have them.” Oh. Wow.
20. “Believe that you will recover.
21. “You will.”
22. “For today: I affirm that I have within me all I need to live an abstinent, sober life;
23. “and I believe that life is very much worth living.” Okay.
24. I really believe it’s better that yesterday I accidentally read today’s, and today I’m going back and reading yesterday’s. I think I needed them in this order.
25. Today’s Voices of Recovery: “What it takes to work Step Three is a real willingness to live by God’s will, one day at a time.” OA 12 & 12 p. 26
26. “Trying to understand Step Three, I asked how to turn my will and my life over to God as I understand Him. What was I supposed to do? Then I read this passage, and a thought came to me: how often are we told to work the program? God was my employer!
27. “In following the program to best of my ability, I wasn’t just making phone calls, going to meetings, sponsoring, following a food plan, and using the Steps.
28. “I was doing a job. I could do this job for the rest of my life and never be fired.
29. “I could do my ‘recovery job’ anytime, anywhere!”
30. Like my meditation.
31. “This idea gave me tremendous comfort
32. “and a sense of usefulness
33. “and purpose.
34. “It also showed that I need to leave enough time in my life for my program, just as I would for any job.
35. “And every day that I don’t eat compulsively is payday!”
36. That I read “In Spirit. It was in a free booklet from the health food store. And it said how we are all more than ego. We are all connected in spirit. And when someone is on our nerves, we should breathe in and say to ourselves, “In spirit.” I’m grateful that I read that.
37. I did it yesterday – twice - and it worked.
38. Today’s In This Moment: “In This Moment, I sit amid the chaos of my clutter.”
39. And I feel like I really need THIS reading right now too.
40. “As usual, the desk is littered with papers.
41. “So is the floor.”
42. “As I glance around, I realize that I need to find a home for a bunch of ‘stuff.’
43. “I took a workshop on how to declutter, but threw away the handouts, knowing they’d become clutter if I let them stay around.
44. “Is there a spiritual dimension to this problem? I feel powerless over my clutter. I struggle to creat order in disorder.
45. “I share about this issue with friends in recovery and know I’m not alone.
46. “I humbly ask my Higher Power to remove this shortcoming.
47. “I can make amends to my spouse and myself, one day at a time, if I put things away and throw things away.
48. “I need to work at it – and it works when I work it.”
49. Today’s Language of Letting Go: “Work Roles. How easy it is to dive into roles at work. How easy it is to place other people in roles. Sometimes, this is necessary, appropriate, and expedient.
50. “But we can also let our self shine through our role.
51. “There is joy in giving our gift of skill at work,
52. “at giving ourselves to the task at hand so thoroughly that we experience an intimate relationship with our work.”
53. And giving to the children, yes!
54. “There is joy when we create or accomplish a task and can say, ‘Well done!’
55. “There is also joy when we are our self at work,
56. “and when we discover and appreciate those around us.
57. “The most unpleasant, mundane task can be breezed through when we stop thinking of ourselves as a robot
58. “and allow ourselves to be a person.
59. “Those around us will respond warmly when we treat them as individuals and not job-defined roles.
60. “This does not mean we need to become inappropriately entangled with others.” Good.
61. “It means that, whether we are an employer or an employee, when people are allowed to be people who perform tasks instead of task performers, we are happier and more content people.
62. “Today, I will let myself shine through my task at work.” Oh I need this today; I am so tired and wiped out.
63. “I will try to see others and let them shine through too – instead of looking only at their tasks.” Self – or their flaws (D).
64. “God, help me be open to the beauty of myself
65. “and others at work.
66. “Help me maintain healthy relationships with people at work.” Okay. Good. There. Especially since some of the people are very critical and kind of “mean girls,” whether male or female. This should help. Good.
67. I’m grateful for kale salad. Truly.
68. And all real, whole foods.
69. And that things that used to be like a fog to me no longer are. Really embarrassing things, like stamp machines, and 7-11 and class trips, and bridges,…so many tings.
70. That my mother almost never suffers with a specific problem she used to have.
71. Kind doctors and nurses during this hospital stay of hers. I’m so grateful for that.
72. This Mac laptop, that belongs to the district.
73. Flowers
74. Clay pots.
75. That I love my silver car.
76. That O is so happy with her mother here from Russia.
77. That she loved the book my kids made for her.
78. All the times J was so patient with my feelings.
79. The airplane trips I’ve taken.
80. Water to drink
81. And to shower with and bathe in
82. Shampoo
83. Soap
84. Bubble bath
85. My desk at work that J got me
86. That the table is clear
87. Tiffany’s and the gift that I got for O there
88. And it should be ready tomorrow
89. MA
90. And that we should get to read together during vacation
91. And I have 3 good books!
92. And I feel that I will light the fireplace! Just for myself!
93. And practice piano! Bach and exercises. And a little Chopin.
94. I am grateful for THIS piano.
95. And the over-a-year-it took for us to find it.
96. And J’s help and patience and generosity with that.
97. Earmuffs
98. J’s jacket I’ve been wearing until I get a coat (this week?)
99. Humor
100. Kisses. Hope I get more someday. Every kiss with J. Warm sweet kisses. I’m grateful for them.
101. That I have a big heart