CoDA Morning Work Today

I woke up, had coffee, did gratitudes and little work e-mail, and I feel:

Anxious, bothered, regretful, angry, jilted, sad, rejected, irritated, estranged

and
Powerless, willing

and
Hopeful, healthy, loving, blessed, grateful, supported, whole, sacred, inspired, recharged, in a way wonderful, divine.

I think it is because:
First stuff: Miss J. Angry he didn't seem to give it a real chance yet. Angry at self also for not knowing, or whatever the fuck I did - all of my neediness etc. Anxious and bothered about the student who died. We've known for a long time this was coming, but still. And service today.

Powerless, and willing about food and eating and going to meeting...OA

Third stuff: Getting out and doing what was right for my mother these days, even in the dark, and getting where we were going yesterday in a manner that has been phobic for me for a long time but this time wasn't. Every time I step outside of my comfort zone, my comfort zone expands. I feel healthy and am grateful for that. My breathing is good. There is a lot of support at work for us. I am inspired by hearing O play piano. I feel recharged to take better control of my life and home situation. I feel hopeful that I will continue to become less and less miserable. God is with me.

I acted out codependently:
Well, almost. But again, didn't. Good.

Next time:
Keep praying for help/ strength.

Five good things about me:
1. I dress well now.
2. I'm getting better at authentic small talk.
3. I have always been good with kids regarding grief.
4. I have taught many people to meditate.
5. I am self-honest.