Grats

I am grateful:

1. Indoor plumbing at school
2. My thumb working better still
3. Many many good meetings lately
4. Vegetables
5. The birds yesterday
6. I’ll get to take my mother for a milkshake today
7. St called the other night
8. Heat
9. Water
10. Coffee
11. Showers
12. Baths
13. Yesterday’s for Today (because yesterday I accidentally did today’s): “The highest point a man can attain is not Knowledge, or Virtue, or Goodness, or Victory, but something even greater, more heroic and more despairing: Sacred Awe!” Nikon Kazantzakis
14. Okay. Here it goes. “One of the greatest blessings a compulsive overeater can hope for is a capacity for awe: to be filled with a sense of mingled wonder, gratitude and reverence for that awesome Power in each of us that heals us of suffering no human skill or medicine could touch,
15. “and turns around the most wretched of lives.”
16. “For those who are so blessed, the first priority of each day is to give thanks.” And maybe for those of us who aren’t there yet, too, I hope.
17. “For today: I alone was responsible for dieting and losing weight – and then reversing the process. I alone am NOT responsible for being abstinent, thin and free of the symptoms of my disease.” Wow. That’s awesome. “This is the great, central, awe-inspiring fact of my life today.”
18. That I’m not alone in cyber-space.
19. “The only requirement for OA membership is a desire to stop eating compulsively.” Tradition Three. Okay. I have that.
20. “I get so much comfort from this. I have the desire because I showed up at that very first meeting.
21. “I have kept coming back, abstinent or in relapse,
22. “because OA is the only thing that has worked for me.
23. “I hae a ‘living’ problem,
24. “and no diet has ever taught me how to cope with life.
25. “Food, people, or material things can always fail me.” Okay. That means it’s not just me.
26. “The only real thing I can count on is my Higher Power to see me through whatever today may bring.” Okay. Okay. Please please please. Okay.
27. Three really bad things happened at work yesterday, two involving students’ health in big ways, and one involving a parent who’s known as a trouble-maker, but whose target is now me. Big-time. But I am grateful for these words, because I must remember – my Higher Power is with me.
28. “Some days I have to act as if. I must act as if I have the desire to not eat compulsively and act as if I believe that my Higher Power is there for me.” Okay. Good. Good.
29. “If I take this action, my Higher Power takes care of my needs;
30. “the obsession is lifted,
31. “and abstinence comes.
32. “So for today, I will not give up.
33. “I will just keep trying,”
34. So, like, this is maybe also what they mean by progress not perfection. Just keep trying.
35. “with my Higher Power helping me along the way.
36. “I will become a much happier person with my life help in my Higher Power’s loving embrace.”
37. Today’s In This Moment: “In This Moment, I embrace recovery.”
38. “…denial…
39. “nothing was wrong with me – it was everybody else in my life.
40. “But I was the one who felt miserable.
41. “Taking my husband’s inventory was a full-time job.
42. “I couldn’t hold a meaningful conversation with my parents.
43. “I felt ‘less than.’
44. “For a long time, I waited for someone to come along and make me happy.
45. “Then I discovered CoDA, where I identified with the sharing.
46. “Oh, so slowly,” and that part’s important because I always worry that’s I’m SO slow
47. “I learned to accept myself,
48. “improve my friendships,
49. “and let go of unhealthy relationships.
50. “My recovery continues to evolve.
51. “It doesn’t happen on my schedule, but it happens.” It says “but it happens.” Okay.
52. “My Higher Power is mending me.
53. “I embrace the healing.” Okay.
54. Today’s Language of Letting Go: “Valuing Our Needs”
55. “When we don’t ask for what we want and need, we discount ourselves.
56. “We deserve better.
57. “Maybe others taught us it wasn’t polite or appropriate to speak up for ourselves. He truth is, if we don’t, our unmet wants and needs may ultimately come back to haunt our relationships.” Yup. That’s me too.
58. “We may end up feeling angry or resentful, or we may begin to punish someone else for not guessing what we need…” Yup. Me. Seeing it here means it’s not JUST me.
59. …”Our attitude toward our needs is important too.
60. “We must value them and take them seriously if we expect others to take us seriously.
61. “When we begin to place value and importance on our needs, we’ll see a remarkable change.
62. “Our wants and needs will begin to get met.
63. “Today, I will respect the wants and needs of myself and others.
64. “I will tell myself, others, and my Higher Power what I want and need.
65. “I will listen to what they want and need too.” Hard. But will try. Oy vey.
66. Vegetables
67. Working with that particular little group yesterday
68. And the day before
69. And it helped them
70. And they were happy too.
71. Gonna go forward with Step Eight and Nine.
72. Can call sponsor soon.
73. Can put my feelings here.
74. Sleep.
75. Anti-depressant
76. Friends
77. MA’s good doctor appointment.
78. Electricity
79. My brain
80. My heart
81. My eyes
82. My eyesight
83. My tongue
84. My throat
85. My lungs
86. My kidneys
87. My liver
88. My stomach
89. My esophagus
90. Monkeys
91. Elephants
92. Lions
93. Tigers
94. Bears
95. Coyotes
96. Wolves
97. Birds
98. Dogs
99. Cats
100. Hamsters
101. Fish
102. Turtles
103. Tortoises
104. Non-fiction books