Grats

I am grateful:

1. Everything’s great. I mean really, in the big picture, everything’s great.
2. That I thank God either still in bed or just out of bed every morning now.
3. The expression “Viewed from the moon”
4. The expression “Ten years from now, how important will this seem?”
5. My mother, when she couldn’t move and fell yesterday, pressed the button.
6. They came to help her.
7. Before they got her, her friend happened to ring her bell.
8. Mother decided to have her call J so as not to bother me in the classroom, and since it was like already 2:00 or something, that was fine.
9. J reached me
10. I went to the hospital straight from school.
11. He was warm and nice at first
12. And met me outside.
13. My mother was no longer slurry by then.
14. He stayed a little. Then left.
15. I stayed. But he was available by phone for medical stuff and whatever.
16. The doctor was great.
17. We were able to convince my mother to go to the telemetry floor for a room/ not sign herself out, as she wanted.
18. So far, lots of tests negative. Maybe it’s just because she took an Ambien?
19. We might be able to get her to make some changes now.
20. I didn’t get to go to O’s becoming a citizen after all, because of my mother’s hospitalization. But – I was ready and excited and going to go, and that’s growth.
21. O. and I had nice couple of talks yesterday.
22. M. was there for me to.
23. Talked with MA today.
24. And J., who has already visited my mother.
25. Life
26. Breath
27. Waking up today
28. Not having it be much worse with my mother
29. Getting through the lonely bad feelings of sitting at that bedside for 5 ½ hours, almost all of it alone and feeling kind of pathetic.
30. My sponsor, once again, reminding me of how to look at the good things.
31. Just ate veggies and protein and a little fat. Good.
32. That I’m here today, and can just chill out until going to see my mother, and then sleep.
33. And shop for food tomorrow.
34. My blog.
35. You, if you are reading any of this. Then I am really grateful for *you. *
36. God
37. That I prayed yesterday.
38. That I was willing to accept whatever happened.
39. That my breath is so good today.
40. That M. read the Five Mindfulness Trainings with me today.
41. That D asked for it
42. That I just sent it to her
43. Today’s For Today: One of the highest goals I can set for myself is to be as a child.
44. “Everything good that happens is a result of allowing myself to be open to every possibility,
45. “every nuance of the natural world.”
46. Today’s Voices of Recovery: “Every twenty four hours is vital and precious, when I totally turn over my life and my will to a power that has more wisdom than I can ever hope to have.
47. “I don’t know how I got where I am, or where I’m going, but my Higher Power does.
48. “So I’ll trust God to guide me, and pray for the good sense to listen.” Lifeline Sampler p. 212
49. “This program is so simple.
50. “Why do I make it so difficult?
51. “I just need to ask my Higher Power to guide me through today, this one singular day.
52. “At night, I can thank my Higher Power for whatever the day has brought me, regardless of my perceptions of good or bad events.
53. “There are lessons to be learned with every experience I encounter.
54. “If I do not recognize what I have learned, I am destined to repeat the lesson.
55. “If I truly believe everything is happening for a reason, I can be grateful for whatever the day has brought me.
56. “By following this simple program every day, I will begin to receive all the gifts promised to me by the program.
57. “For today, let me remember to keep it simple.”
58. I’ve grown so much since last year when I read this and actually wrote, “No, I can’t believe there is a designed reason behind everything. But I CAN learn lessons etc. and be grateful.
59. Today’s In This Moment: “In This Moment, I want a healthy relationship.
60. “I fall in love with the silent ones and dream dreams they know nothing about.
61. “I want a healthy, loving relationship with a man to whom I can say anything and who feels the freeom to do the same.
62. “It sounds fine, but I still choose men with whom I do not feel equal” (!!)
63. “and then try to pretend we’re on the same wavelength.”
64. Omg, it’s NOT just me!
65. “By continuing to grow in the CoDA program, I may attract a man who is compatible in most ways,
66. “someone with whom I can be my authentic self.
67. “Meanwhile, I work my program
68. “and pray for knowledge of God’s will for my life.”
69. Today’s Language of Letting Go: “Taking Care of Ourselves Emotionally
70. “What does it mean to take care of myself emotionally? I recognize when I’m feeling angry,
71. “and I accept that feeling without shame or blame.
72. “I recognize when I’m feeling hurt,
73. “and I accept those feelings without attempting to punish the source of my pain.
74. “I recognize and feel fear when that emotion presents itself.
75. “I allow myself to feel happiness,
76. “joy,
77. “and love when those emotions are available.
78. “Taking care of myself means I’ve made a decision that its’ okay to feel
79. “Taking care of my emotions means I allow myself to stay with the feeling until it’s time to release it
80. “and go on to the next one.
81. “I recognize that sometimes my feelings can help point me toward reality,
82. “but sometimes my feelings are deceptive.
83. “They are important, but I do not have to let them control me.
84. “I can feel,
85. “and think too.
86. “I talk to people about my feeling when that’s appropriate
87. “and safe.
88. “I reach out for help or guidance if I get stuck in a particular emotion.
89. “I’m open” – yes – really! “I’m open to the lessons my emotions may be trying to teach me.
90. “After I feel,
91. “accept,
92. “and release the feeling,
93. “I ask myself what it is I want or need to do to take care of myself.
94. “Taking care of myself emotionally means I value,
95. “treasure,
96. “explore,
97. “and cherish the emotional part of myself.
98. “today, I will take care of myself emotionally.
99. “I will be open to,
100. “and accepting of,
101. “the emotional part of myself
102. “and other people.
103. “I will strive for balance
104. “by combining emotions with reason,
105. “but I will not allow intellect to push the emotional part of myself away.
106. I really needed to read ALL of this today.
107. And I’m very grateful that I DID do the grats and the readings. Was SO tempted not to. But know how important it is. And it’s actually pleasant anyway.
108. And I practiced piano a little, and might very well a little more!
109. During upcoming vaca, I think I’ll get back to the gym. And make it a routine I can continue when I get back to work.
110. That O. is most likely now a citizen. And I am so happy for her!