Thank you God, for this day.
I woke up, pet dog, had coffee, checked e-mail from J about dog, did grats, and I feel:
Regretful, unhappy, lonely, worried, anxious, jealous, shaky, blue, vulnerable, jilted, estranged, exhausted, lonesome, overwhelmed, loving, low, frightened, bothered
and
Powerless, open, and somewhat willing
and
Grateful, divine, sacred, blessed, inspired, needed, welcoming, and hopeful.
I think it is because:
First stuff: I don't love living alone. Doggie goes back today. I miss J particularly. I am afraid for my future. I am overwhelmed by all their is to do and not enough energy, or money or ability to do it. I feel like I would give almost anything for another chance.
Second stuff:
Food. Don't want to become complacent because eating so well now. Must get to program meetings. More.
Third stuff:
God made me. God is with me. I must be okay. I am needed at work and by my friends. No one else has the exact combination of my particular gifts. Hopeful because who knows what is in my future.
I acted out codependently:
Um, I guess isolating yesterday. But I really didn't feel well and I had so much to do here...
Watched too much tv; I think that's for sure.
Next time I'll do differently:
Even IF stuck here, sit in other room and read a bit IF CAN FACE THE SILENCE.
Maybe get stereo fixed so can have some music, or find that classical music channel on tv.
No comments:
Post a Comment