Grats

I am grateful:

1. Hope.
2. Breath.
3. My anti-depressant
4. God
5. EJ
6. Sunday today
7. Back to Language of Letting Go, yesterday’s: “We are each free to embrace and enjoy the treasure of our own mind, intellect, and wisdom.
8. “Today, I will treasure the gift of my mine.
9. “I will do my own thinking,
10. “make my own choices,
11. “and value my opinions.
12. “I will be open to what others think,
13. “but I will take responsibility for myself.
14. “I will ask for and trust that I am being guided by Divine Wisdom.” Phew.
15. And today’s: “Affirmations.” Ooh, good.
16. “One of our choices in recovery is choosing what we want to think – using our mental energy positively.
17. “Positive mental energy, positive thinking, does not mean we think unrealistically or revert to denial.
18. “If we don’t like something, we respect our own opinion.
19. “If we spot a problem, we’re honest about it.
20. “If something isn’t working out, we accept reality.
21. “But we don’t dwell on the negative parts of our experience.
22. “Whatever we give energy to, we empower.” And I do totally believe this.
23. “There is magic in empowering the good, because whatever we empower grows bigger.
24. “One way to empower the good is through affirmations: simple positive statements we make to ourselves:
25. “I love myself . . .
26. “I’m good enough . . .
27. “My life is good . . .
28. “I’m glad I’m alive today . . .
29. “What I want and need is come to me . . .
30. “I can . . .
31. “Our choice in recovery is not whether to use affirmations.” Oh – this is huge – “We’ve been affirming thoughts and beliefs since we were old enough to speak.
32. “The choice in recovery is WHAT WE WANT TO AFFIRM.”
33. “TODAY, I WILL EMPOWER THE GOOD IN MYSELF, OTHERS, AND LIFE.
34. “I’m willing to release, or let go of, negative thought patterns and replace them with positive ones.”
35. I AM starting to feel more like MYSELF. Like the self I was when I was little, only grown-up. Oh that’s huge.
36. Like I’m not SO dependent on one other person for my very breath. Oh, thank God for that !
37. “I will choose what I want to affirm, and I will make it good.”
38. I will go to my OA meeting today.
39. And my CoDA meeting too.
40. That although I won’t be able to bring the class, I’m so happy for her that O becomes a citizen Friday!
41. Today’s For Today: “Nature does nothing uselessly.” Aristotle. Oh good. And again, like, I’m not a mistake.
42. “What does it take for any living thing to grow straight and true to itself?” Good question.
43. “And if survival is threatened or growth interfered with, what further measures are needed?” Very necessary question, for me.
44. “There is a natural force in all things that keeps pushing to make them as true to the original plan as possible.” Yes. And this goes with my Buddhism.
45. “If compulsive overeating meant survival for me, it did indeed serve a useful purpose, and I am thankful it was a recourse that was open to me.
46. “To regret what was necessary to save my life is to fail to appreciate the value of that life.”
47. “For today: I cannot regret my past, for it allowed me to endure to the present.” Oh wow.
48. And it’s the promise, “I shall not regret my past, nor shut the door on it.” I DO need to keep going to meetings and hearing these things over and over. Good.
49. Today’s Voices of Recovery: “Recovery is a journey, and the Twelve-Step program is the road we travel together in OA.” OA 12 & 12 p. 130. Okay.
50. I SO don’t want to get back to Step Eight. It terrifies me. But I am realizing that when something I feel as desperate happens, I run to the work no matter how painful. So why don’t I just go to it rather than waiting. I don’t want another “desperate” thing. Okay. Good idea.
51. “I have grown to understand that my commitment to OA recovery is a commitment to travel a specific road, a commitment to take a journey.
52. “To start this journey I did not need to envision any end of the journey.
53. “I only needed to know that where I was had become intolerable.” Yes.
54. “In fact the Steps have taken me to a place I could not have imagined before I started.” Oh. Hope.
55. “Looking back, I am filled with gratitude.
56. “Looking forward, I see only mists and cannot make out where the road leads.” Oh my Lord, that’s not only me?! Oh. Good!
57. “This road leads to something beyond my understanding.
58. “Yet I am not afraid of what the mists hide.” Yay.
59. “I have learned from experience that the most joyous thing in my life is my commitment to the OA journey of recovery.” Ok.
60. That MA said her son never ate veggies or fruit. And I know he is a healthy 39 year old. So that gives me hope for Ji.
61. Sitcoms.
62. Will do laundry today.
63. Getting compliments at work for weight loss becoming noticeable
64. And for the way I’m dressing.
65. That I think I’m able to turn around the situation that has had one child making another feel bad.
66. That I’ll probably see St within the week
67. That I’ll cook something today for the week
68. And take my mother shopping
69. That I’m realizing I personally, do better with more protein.
70. Laughter with friends.
71. Especially MA.
72. That I might just practice piano today.
73. That my thumb is still well
74. That I’ll do Affirmations soon, and more often throughout the day.
75. Shoes. My first year in this district, I wore broken shoes every day. Couldn’t afford.
76. That I dreamt I had a coat. And I will make sure I have one by next weekend. Unlike that first year when I didn’t.
77. Prayer
78. Cuddling with doggie this weekend.
79. And walking her.
80. Wearing a pedometer now and getting more steps little by little.
81. Online boggle for free. I enjoy it.
82. Showers
83. Baths
84. Bubble baths. These are really luxuries.
85. I will gas up the car today. Do not want to, but will. And I’ll be grateful all week that I did.
86. Microsoft Word
87. SMART Board.
88. And lessons for it lol.
89. That I wear beige now when I want to. Sometimes I like cream colors. And there’s nothing wrong with that.
90. I’ll get my hair colored and cut this week.
91. That although I absolutely was so afraid of the commitment, I manage to take care of my treasury commitment at the OA meeting, for a year and two months now.
92. Elephants. I love elephants.
93. And I love my (although broken) elephant statue.
94. Peace. No fighting going on in my “home.” Yes, it still feels like it needs quotation marks, but not quite as much.
95. That it’s not quite as much.
96. That I’ve become a good writing teacher.
97. That my students are happy. Especially that I’m managing that this year. Phew. Because what *I * go through is NOT their fault. Period.
98. Skype. And that it’s free. It enables two of my friends to really visit with their parents in other countries, daily and weekly. Wonderful.
99. That I can drive.
100. That I have a Masters degree.
101. That I got to 100. So many gratitudes.