Grats

I am grateful:

1. Nice dinner out with B. last night.
2. MA and I want to see each other this weekend
3. J wants to do something fun together soon
4. Doggie is here with me
5. WW meeting today
6. Take mother to bank today
7. I’ll do my banking too
8. And I’ll take her shopping
9. And I’ll do my shopping too
10. And – I’ll buy doggie treats
11. And tempeh for me (first time). Or is it seitan? I’ll have to see/can’t remember
12. Coffee maker
13. Microwave
14. Aide switch is *finally * being made. It’s been a real problem, affecting student, me, and the district. Change in January. Phew.
15. I am going to straighten today. And that’s good.
16. And cook and do laundry tomorrow. And that’s good.
17. M’s friendship.
18. My wonderful sponsor.
19. Tr. AND B. and I going out next week!
20. This is funny. And true. And telling. Today’s for Today: “There’s no limit to how complicated things can get, on account of one thing always leading to another.” E.B. White
21. Because of course, “One thing can lead to another only if I allow it.
22. …”Who says holiday meals must be heavy and elaborate? Why not a simple, satisfying dinner with only the company of those I care about?”
23. And “For today: The true spirit of giving to myself and to others is in keeping it simple: to let nothing complicate my abstinence and my OA way of life.”
24. And this can fit somehow to loneliness during the holidays too.
25. I really believe J still has an opening. I saw him just last night, and I really believe that. It would take time, and is only a possibility, but it is a possibility.
26. And I believe this every time I see him, or virtually every time. Interesting.
27. Today’s Voices of Recovery: “As we repeatedly act on Step Ten, we begin to see the remarkable way the Steps will, from now on, continue to remove unnecessary turmoil and pain from our lives . . .
28. “More gifts are in store for us as we continue working the program and experiencing the miracle of permanent recovery, one day at a time.” OA 12 & 12 pp. 89-90 Well this gives me hope.
29. “Ours is a disease of the attitudes.” Yes, true for me.
30. “However, the years I’ve spent in OA have shown me that although my disease is progressive, so is my recovery.” Oh good!
31. “When I was active in my eating disorder, I hated everything about my life.” True.
32. “My world consisted of binges, blame, fear, shame, jealousy, and rage.” Yes.
33. “I was imprisoned by unrealistic expectations of people, bitterly resenting their imperfections.” Oh my gosh, yes, that’s me.
34. “I also hated myself because I couldn’t stop eating. “ Yes. I see myself here too.
35. “Negativity breeds hopelessness, and I was trapped.” Oh my gosh, yes.
36. “Recovery teaches me that my gratitude and serenity snowball, just like my negative attitudes did.” Oh, thank God.
37. “As I work the Twelve Steps of this program, it becomes fulfilling to focus on the good in my life.
38. “It doesn’t always come easily;” [that’s for sure]
39. “sometimes I struggle to think positively.” Good. Me too.
40. “But when my attitudes slip, I know there’s hope.” Oh, thank God. Thank God.
41. “Now my world consists of daily miracles,
42. “both large and small,
43. “that keep the light in my eyes
44. “and lightness in my heart.
45. “Positive thinking breeds acceptance,
46. “and today I am free.”
47. I might see MA, with doggie and a good book, tonight!
48. I ate well all week.
49. Today’s In This Moment: “In This Moment, I make healthier choices.
50. Just came back from ww meeting.
51. Good meeting.
52. Safe trip both ways.
53. Went to hfs.
54. Finally got treats for doggie
55. And came home and cuddled with her
56. And she’s playing outside right now
57. J gave me food for her last night. So that’s good too
58. Lovely sky on way up
59. Spoke with M this morning
60. E-mailed St
61. Wow. I just put on tv and there’s a show I like and other episodes of it on when I’d left. And I realized: if I hadn’t gone out and gone to a meeting, and a store, I’d have accomplished nothing at all and still be watching that show.
62. Oops. Next day now. I’m grateful that I saw MA last night
63. And we had a nice visit
64. And doggie was happy too
65. And that despite my fatigue, I stayed safe driving. Almost wasn’t, so really glad was.
66. And that O called
67. And that I brought doggie with mother. Both liked that.
68. I’m grateful that I am in a safe warm dry room
69. Typing on a laptop
70. With tv
71. And lights on
72. I am grateful that Fri night I had some relief from my own bad feelings
73. And that I got out twice yesterday. Musn’t isolate.
74. Back to yesterday’s In This Moment. Must get out of my own head – oh and lesson learned – again – must do ALL work EVERY day
75. “In This Moment, I make healthier choices.
76. “Even in recovery, I find myself doing too much at times.” Oh my gosh that is so me. (As is the opposite).
77. “I overextend myself and stay up late working on things that could easily wait until the next day.
78. “Recently, while on vacation, I pushed myself to walk too far, for too long. The result – I spent the rest of my day limping around, wincing with pain.
79. “With recovery comes awareness.” Good.
80. “I know I have choices.” Oh. Good. Oh. I really need these.
81. Breathing better already than did ALL NIGHT AND MORNING SO FAR.
82. “I can keep repeating the same behavior, knowing full well the consequences, or I can gracefully and assertively make healthier choices.
83. “Today, I know the importance of self-care.” Oh good. And that may be JUST the thing I need to do all I have to do today and was really wanting to avoid. Phew. Deep breaths coming.
84. And today’s. “In This Moment, I’m going home.” … … … “I can take care of myself, even in dysfunctional family situations. Thank you, Higher Power.”
85. “I make ‘I’ statements.
86. “I write in my journal.
87. “I read CoDA literature.
88. “I look for the meetings I can attend.
89. “I make a list of people I can call.
90. “I say the Serenity Prayer with faith in my Higher Power.
91. “I find opportunities to escape by myself.”
92. Suddenly I don’t feel so alone. Wow wow wow wow wow. Unbelievable how breathless and afraid I have felt since one e-mail last night. Which wasn’t even bad. Okay. Breathing deeply without trying, every breath now. Okay. Thank god for the literature.
93. Yesterday’s Language of Letting Go: “Empowerment.” Good work. I like even thinking about it. Even thinking it.
94. “You can think. You can make good decisions. You can make choices that are right for you.
95. “Yes, we all make mistakes from time to time. But we are not mistakes.” We are not mistakes. I am not a mistake. Oh. Oh.
96. “We can make a new decision that takes new information into account.
97. “We can change our mind from time to time. That’s our right too.
98. “We don’t have to be intellectuals to make good choices. In recovery, we have a gift and a goal available to each of us. The gift is called wisdom.
99. “Other people can think too. And that means we no longer have to feel responsible for other people’s decisions.
100. ‘THAT ALSO MEANS WE ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR OUR CHOICES.” (Italicized but blog won’t do it).
101. “We can reach out to other for feedback.
102. “We can ask for information.
103. “We can take opinions into account.
104. “But it is our task to make our own decisions.”
105. And this one, which I don’t really feel yet. But I want to, and I’m “listening:” “It is our pleasure and right to have our own opinions.”

And now I’m going to start another hundred, for this day. I do not want to fall behind.