Grats

I am grateful:

1. My mother is doing well
2. I will get to go with O today
3. J is being nice to me
4. I will talk to him soon about accepting how he feels
5. I have nice things to do with/for the students tomorrow and day after
6. I have something nice to wear today
7. I can really clean the whole house (not cellar) this coming vaca!
8. And I believe I CAN keep it that way
9. I am eating well.
10. And wearing a pedometer
11. I got myself to the hospital yesterday to see mother even though I thought I couldn’t
12. We had a GREAT visit
13. She said, “I’m really enjoying this talk.”
14. I said, “ I am too.”
15. And when I was leaving, after the sincere I love yous…she said, and I quote, “You’re a good daughter.”
16. I am so so grateful for that.
17. And the night before, she asked me to make sure I tell J how she loves him and how much she appreciates him (as well as me she had said first too).
18. And I did.
19. And he was grateful.
20. And I think we WILL be fair to each other.
21. Or maybe even someday get back. Or not.
22. Sitcoms this morning. They help me.
23. I can make it to the OA meeting before going with O today. Good.
24. I have exercise band now.
25. And will use it.
26. Today’s For Today: “Beware lest you lose the substance by grasping at the shadow.” Aesop
27. “Weight loss is not what the OA program is about.
28. “A normal-size body is a fringe benefit received in the course of reconstructing that which cannot be seen.
29. “Inner change is the substance of the twelve-step program.
30. “It is sad to contemplate that there are OA meetings where food plans and ‘food sponsors’ take precedence over the twelve steps. Newcomers are given shadow in place of substance.
31. “When I take a sponsor, both of us understand that we may or may not discuss food and food plans.
32. “The whole idea of having a sponsor is predicated on my need for guidance in working a spiritual program –
33. “by someone who has attained a measure of experience in doing so.
34. “For today: I have done enough ‘research’ on diet and weight loss programs to know that the program we have in Overeaters Anonymous is not one of them.”
35. Today’s Voices of Recovery: “If we are to experience permanent recovery from compulsive eating, we will have to repeat, day after day, the actions that have already brought us so much healing.” OA 12 & 12 p. 83
36. “There are those gray, bleak days when I don’t feel like doing what I need to do to recover.
37. “I’m tired of the effort.” TODAY was one such morning! But I’m doing it anyway!
38. “I want to give up, but I stop and reflect.
39. “If I quit making an effort, I’ll slide backwards.” And that’s a BIG point.
40. “And backwards, for me, means only one thing – the hell of compulsive overeating and all the accompanying mental, physical, and spiritual anguish it brings.
41. “So I pray for the willingness to do whatever my Higher Power nudges me to do.” Oh. That’s important to remember.
42. “Then I get my body in motion and do it!
43. “I may need to make amends, spend time with my children,
44. “be honest with someone,
45. “carry out a responsibility,
46. “get to a meeting,
47. “make a phone call,
48. “read,
49. “write,
50. “or give service.” All good and important ideas for me to remember.
51. “And then once again, I experience the healing and recovery that taking action on the Twelve Steps always brings” Oh I hope so: )
52. Today’s In This Moment: “In This Moment, I have no regrets.
53. “I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life. I wasn’t the perfect wife, mother, or employee.
54. “I lost marriages, jobs, kids.
55. “When I walked into my first CoDA meeting, I was pretty low.
56. “It took me a long time to accept my past.
57. “My experiences are my teachers.
58. “The Fourth Promise is true for me today: ‘I release myself from worry, guilt, and regret about my past and present.
59. “I am aware enough not to repeat it.”
60. Today’s Language of Letting Go: “Staying Open to Our Feelings
61. “Many of us have gotten so good at following the ‘don’t feel’ rule that we can try to talk ourselves out of having feelings, even in recovery.
62. ‘If I was really working a good program, I wouldn’t feel angry.’” I have felt that, yes.
63. “‘I don’t get angry. I’m a Christian. I forgive and forget.’
64. ‘I’m not angry. I’m affirming that I’m happy.’
65. “These are all statements, some of them quite clever, that indicate we’re operating under the ‘don’t feel’ rule again.
66. “Part of working a good program means acknowledging and dealing with our feelings.
67. “We strive to accept and deal with our anger so it doesn’t harden into resentments.
68. “We don’t use recovery as an excuse to shut down our emotions.
69. “Yes, we are striving for forgiveness, but we still want to feel, listen to, and stay with our feelings until it is time to release them appropriately.
70. “Our Higher Power created the emotional part of ourselves.
71. “God is not telling us not to feel; it’s our dysfunctional systems.
72. “We also need to be careful how we use affirmations;
73. “discounting our emotions won’t make feelings go away.
74. “If we’re angry, it’s okay to have that feeling.
75. “That’s part of how we get and stay healthy.
76. “Today, I will refuse to accept shame from others or myself for feeling my feelings.”
77. Water
78. Thumb working and I can type.
79. Breath
80. Voice
81. Piano
82. House
83. Heat
84. Hot water
85. Healthy food here
86. Good plans for the day.
87. If I don’t wash my hair, it is okay. I’ll still shower and look good.
88. Gifts from families
89. J might go see my mother again today.
90. Doggie might be comforting them, as big dog died the other day
91. Gonna have breakfast
92. Fresh coffee this morning.
93. Friends!
94. I’m becoming less phobic!
95. I used the elevator almost every time at the hospital.
96. I am thinking of working for extra money and going to France.
97. Phones
98. Cars
99. Pill so I can take bridge with O.
100. Her present will be ready, I think, Wednesday.