Grats

I am grateful:

1. That I counted what I ate yesterday.
2. That I had fruits and veggies
3. That I’ve begun to take better care of myself
4. That I start my needed antibiotic today
5. That MA and I gave the loving gift to Jo
6. That doggie is here
7. That I gave her a special treat today
8. That MA is still alive and such a close friend. May her health problems get better.
9. That K. called me last night.
10. And M. too.
11. That my mother sounded good yesterday
12. That I’ll learn the ww tweaks today
13. Sitcoms
14. Books
15. My depression being lighter, thank you so much, God.
16. Food
17. Water
18. Oxygen
19. Roof over my head as winter approaches
20. Car that runs
21. Clothing
22. Washer
23. Dryer
24. Dishwasher
25. New microwave
26. Heat
27. Hot water
28. Bed
29. Pillow
30. Comforter
31. Blanket
32. Lamps
33. Electricity
34. Laptop
35. Red oak floors
36. Happy time Friday early evening
37. I’m ok today
38. Today’s For Today: “We are healed of suffering only by experiencing it to the full.” Marcel Proust. Oh may that be true!
39. “When I’m hurting, I look for distraction? Go here, run there and keep on running until there is nowhere to go. Whatever I use as an escape – whether it’s hyperactivity or retreat into isolation and compulsive overeating – it takes what it takes to be brought to my knees, to experience whatever it is I’m avoiding, to turn my will over to my Higher Power and, in an instant, be free.” Wow!
40. And it says, “I walk away feeling light and joyful, and I wonder why I fought so hard.
41. “…each experience confirms what I have learned: my pain may last a minute, an hour, a week or a month – but allowing myself to feel it is relief in itself, and the beginning of freedom.
42. “For today: Avoidance of suffering is natural, but as a compulsive overeater I am alert to my tendency to try to escape what most people accept as part of living.”
43. The Third Step prayer: God, I offer myself to Thee. To build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy power, Thy love, and Thy way of life. Amen.
44. That I’m beginning to understand that I have to grow to all I can be, period. Alone, with J, with someone else, no matter what
45. Today’s Voices of Recovery: “Step Eleven encourages us to practice prayer, to continue talking to our Higher Power daily, even when it seems like a senseless exercise.” OA 12 & 12 p. 92
46. And it says: “Prayer changes things.” Thank goodness.
47. “Prayer changes things. I am very clear about hat. In my former life as a desperate, insane food addict, I used my brain well, but I was a spiritual agnostic. I just didn’t believe in anything. And then, at my sponsor’s suggestion, I started saying “good morning: to God everyday, just to see what happened.” Nice.
48. “The result was extraordinary. God came toward me when I came toward God.
49. “He took hold of my empty soul and filled it with His presence.
50. “Talking to god every day is now part of my life – I simply can’t live without it.
51. “I see prayer as an exercise of the soul, just as though it is an exercise of the brain.
52. “I have to deal with my life now through both my brain and my soul.
53. “And just as no thought is ever useless or wasted, neither is a single prayer.” Really? I hope not.
54. “Prayer changes things. And when I don’t like the changes, I can at least be sure that they have come from God.”
55. Today’s In This Moment: “In This Moment, I create.
56. “Instead of concentrating on what’s wrong with my life, I focus on what’s right.
57. “I recognize progress as I work on the areas I still need to improve.
58. “I ask myself, ‘What do I love?’ so that my consciousness works towards creating more positive experiences in my life.
59. “I believe that whatever I focus on is what I create in my life, even on a subconscious level.
60. “I replace negative thoughts and mind chatter with love, encouragement, and wisdom.
61. “I am grateful to have the honesty, openness, and willingness necessary to work my program of recovery.”
62. Now I’m back. I’m grateful for antibiotics. Don’t want them a lot, but grateful for them when I need.
63. And grateful that I got myself to the drugstore to get them. It was hard, believe it or not.
64. And for the meeting today.
65. And for the homemade pasta fagioli I just had with orange aide. Nice lunch.
66. And for this day.
67. And that I will get through the week, I believe.
68. And talking with M this am.
69. And MA twice.
70. And asking people to pray for MA’s health.
71. And that she has agreed to go to the dr. tomorrow first thing in the morning.
72. And that some techie people should be getting back to me within 3 days about my ww site problems.
73. Today’s Language of Letting Go: “Letting Go.” Uh oh. And it says, “’How much do we need to let go of?’ a friend asked one day.
74. “’I’m not certain,’ I replied, ‘but maybe everything.’
75. “Letting go is a spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical process,
76. “a sometimes mysterious metaphysical proceses of releasing to God and the Universe that which we are clinging to so tightly.
77. “We let go of our grasp on people, outcomes, ideas, feelings, wants, needs, desires – everything.” This is very Buddhist, I think, and I really need it right now.
78. “we let go of trying to control our progress in recovery.
79. “yes, it’s important to acknowledge and accept what we want and what we want to happen. But it’s equally important to follow through by letting go.
80. “Letting go is the action part of faith. It is a behavior that gives God and the Universe permission to send us what we’re meant to have.” Wow.
81. Really wow. Okay, and it goes on to say: “Letting go means we acknowledge that hanging on so tightly isn’t helping to solve the problem, change the person, or get the outcome we desire. It isn’t helping us.
82. “In fact, we learn that hanging on often blocks us from getting what we want and need.
83. “Who are we to say that things aren’t happening exactly as they need to happen?
84. And this, which sounds very hopeful to me: “There is magic in letting go.
85. “Sometimes we get what we want soon after we let go.
86. “Sometimes it takes longer.
87. “Sometimes the specific outcome we desire doesn’t happen. Something better does.
88. “Letting go sets us free and connects us to our Source.” Wow
89. “Letting go creates the optimum environment for the bets possible outcomes and solutions.
90. “Today, I will relax. I will let go of that which is upsetting me the most.
91. “I will trust that by letting go, I have started the wheels in motion for things to work out in the best possible way.” Wow. Wow.
92. Bookshelves J brought here that I can use.
93. Cuddles with doggie
94. Time today. I will cook my veggie protein bake and do enough laundry.
95. Meditation I’ve done this past week.
96. My dr. calling in the prescription for me.
97. That the anti-depressant is really making a difference.
98. Hope.
99. Feeling like myself. This is the first time in YEARS that I feel like myself. Not euphoric, not dramatic, not unbearable depressed…Just me. Thank God for that.
100. Hope. Again.
101. Typing.
102. Socks.
103. Wood floors.
104. Windows.