I am grateful:
1. Cute adorable little doggie is here. She is so sweet and dear and a great lesson in how to live. I love her.
2. Could feel her next to me in bed as I slept
3. I slept some. Not enough. But some is better than none.
4. I have electricity
5. I do not have a serious illness (not counting compulsive overeating).
6. I just took a deep breath, after seeing Birdie's comment and realizing she was here.
7. O called yesterday
8. This COULD possibly be my last lonely and horrible Christmas...
9. I got showered yesterday morning. Didn't wash hair, but did shower.
10. And brush teeth.
11. And put on clean clothes
12. And went to ww meeting.
13. And it was good.
14. And I had already filled my car with gas.
15. I'm still doing my thumb exercises.
16. And it's still working, thank God.
17. And then I did go to an OA meeting.
18. And it was great.
19. And I'll go to that one again, I'm sure.
20. In fact, that may become my new Saturday routine: the one meeting and then the other. And then my mother to the bank and shopping.
21. And then yesterday I did take my mother to the bank and shopping.
22. I ate so well yesterday.
23. J. kissed me like 5 times. Don't worry. I know he doesn't love me in that way. But at least he appreciates that I'm good.
24. Got a great hug from D, guy in whose house J is living, D's dog having recently died.
25. Maybe my mother will be ok today, with my lie to spare her.
26. I finally called that therapist.
27. He will get back to me Monday.
28. Jesus
29. Catholicism
30. Buddhism
31. The people who have e-mailed me yesterday and today. Not alone is good and very important.
32. That I have a washer and dryer here.
33. That I am capable of doing laundry.
34. That I will get to the dentist soon.
35. And the gynecologist.
36. And the regular doctor.
37. And I see my great opthomologist in January.
38. That our union leader thinks our pension might be safe after all. No crystal ball, but a good feeling based on some facts.
39. I WILL clean this week. I WILL.
40. I finally got garbage out Friday.
41. And they took it.
42. Tomorrow I'll bring my car in for headlight and inspection.
43. And if I can, I'll walk home. With doggie That'll be good for us. OR across the street to the gym. We'll see. Or, maybe I'll sit there on my butt and read...
44. Choices
45. Freedom
46. I'll get to give O her present today or tomorrow
47. I practiced a little piano yesterday.
48. I WILL get that broken room (no heat and broken windows) fixed. I WILL.
49. And I WILL light a fire in the little fireplace.
50. And start LIVING in the home I've paid for for so long.
51. Health insurance
52. That I get to keep J on it for a while. It's good for him.
53. That I am able to speak and write well when I need to (work, etc.)
54. I can go to many meetings this week if I'd like.
55. I've decided I have to say no to watching that other cute little doggie at end of January. I'll be allergic /it'll be bad for my doggie/ and she piddles in the house. I'm glad I'm able to say no.
56. Meditation. I am not going to wait for that room to start doing it regularly. Daily.
57. Prayer.
58. My OA sponsor.
59. My CoDA sponsor.
60. My friends. Especially: MA, ML, S, St, O, M, K, Ma, Jo, JA.
61. People at work seem to really like and care for me.
62. I have earned that.
63. Some of the presents I've gotten.
64. I'm starting to get a LITTLE self-pride, the good kind.
65. My lips look pretty with lip pencil.
66. Exercise bands.
67. Dvds
68. The inspiration that O's little house is to me for mine.
69. Plants
70. That someone is watering mine at work during vacation.
71. Even though I love it so much, I'm glad I didn't put up a Christmas tree this year.
72. But next year I think I will somehow.
73. You never know what the future holds. I might wind up happy after all.
74. And in THIS MOMENT, I am safe and can breathe deeply and live well for the moment.
75. One day at a time.
76. Yesterday's OA meeting could be a big help in my eating well today. (And ww too).
77. That I'm not counting my readings as part of my gratitudes yesterday and today. It feels deeper somehow this way.
78. People in the entertainment field who make others laugh.
79. This too, shall pass. Impermanence.
80. Buddhist: "No inferiority. No superiority. No equality." I'm beginning to get that now.
81. My Buddha little necklace from M. It comforts me to wear it.
82. I can't help it. Last time I was cheerful and more independent, J came back. There's a .25 percent he will again. I doubt it. I mean really, POINT 25. But still...
83. OR Maybe we WILL be able to be friends.
84. Or maybe someday I won't care.
85. Maybe someday I'll talk to other-J. again.
86. Maybe someday I'll be in love with someone right for me.
87. I do have enough money to live, for today.
88. I have teeth.
89. I can see. That's huge for me.
90. I can speak. I remember when I couldn't.
91. Maybe this relationship was karma payback for the one that was kind of the opposite. I don't really believe in that, but if it was, I am paid in full.
92. I am learning that I don't NEED another person. I WANT another person - it is wonderful to be loved and to love, but that's different than DEPENDENCE.
93. Tv
94. The light classical music channel
95. Laptop
96. Ability to communicate with people all over the world on the internet.
97. That 6 followers are listed here. I SOOOO don't want to be alone in cyber-space.
98. I have a roof.
99. I have heat. I remember when I didn't.
100. I can walk.
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